I know I have to say ‘No’ to my child when he misbehaves, but how can I make sure I’m getting in enough positive reinforcement?
Do the math: The goal is always to praise a child more than you discipline them–but how much more? Three? Four times as much? That means for every 10 corrections (“Don’t hit your brother!” “Chew with your mouth closed!”) You’re trying to find 30-40 positive things to say! It can be a pretty big goal to work towards, so look for all the little opportunities (“Thank you for putting your shoes away.” “I like the way you’re speaking to your sister.”)
See positive reinforcement in action: As a rule, I know if I’ve had to say “No” more than 3 times in 5 minutes then it is time to change my game. When my kids are acting up the most, that’s when they need to hear the most praise from me. But boy, can it be hard to find something positive to say in the middle of a temper tantrum! Try digging up some old examples: “Remember yesterday when you did all your chores without being asked and then you got a sticker? That was awesome, wasn’t it? I was so proud of you!”
Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Do away with apologies. Instead of asking your child to say “I’m sorry for hitting,” or “I won’t use bad words anymore,” get them to focus on the positive. “Next time I’ll be more gentle,” or “I’m going to use my best manners.” It gives them something constructive to work towards instead of focusing on what they did wrong.
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Q. Bedtime is chaos in our house. My kids are always getting out of bed and it’s usually 10 o’clock before they’re asleep. I’m exhausted! What can I do to get them to go to bed and stay there?
There’s a reason all the good TV shows are on at 8 and 9 o’clock! With the children nestled all snug in their beds, that’s supposed to be mama’s time to sit down and relax (or do laundry, make lunches…a mama’s work is never done after all). It’s time to reclaim your evening, for your sake as much as the kids’.
1) Pick a bedtime: Children need sleep. Some parents will argue that their children operate just fine in spite of an 11 o’clock bedtime, but in reality their little brains and bodies need time to recharge and grow. Bedtime should be between 7 and 8pm. (Some kids need to go to bed earlier if they’re starting to phase out naps).
2) Keep wake up times the same: Tempting as it is to enjoy your coffee in peace on Saturday morning while the kiddos sleep in, it is best to keep a consistent wake up time.
3) Bedtime routine: People think I’m crazy when I say ‘time for bed’ and my son is still bouncing off the walls looking wide awake. But five minutes into our bedtime routine and he’s curled up on my lap with his blanket and rubbing his eyes. Whether it’s bath time, stories or lullabies, your kids will learn that these things mean ‘sleep’ and will start to wind down.
4) Playtime is over: After a nice bedtime and everyone is tucked in, the fun stops. You’ve said your “goodnights” and “I love you’s”, now you mean business. If they’re climbing out of bed, go in and put them back to bed with only a “Stay in your bed, please” and then leave the room. Sure you may have to do it 50 times the first few nights, but consistency is key and they’ll soon get bored if they know you’re really serious and they aren’t going to be able to squeeze another story or glass of water out of you.
Nanny Carrie’s Tip:
For the little ones: Starting very young, have a certain song that you play just for bath or bed time. They’ll learn to associate the song with winding down at the end of the day.
For the bigger kids: After bedtime routine, start letting your child have some time to read quietly in bed by themselves. It will start training them to wind down independently and give them a sense of pride in being able to stay up later than their younger siblings.
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