If you commented on the Name Game blog entry, keep watch on Caitlin’s “Mabel Files” (www.blog.mabel.ca) where she will soon be posting the winner of the Camp Pack. Caitlin takes care of all the official stuff and I get to have the blogging fun. Heck, I’m on maternity leave so it seems fair that I run the contest and someone else worries about monitoring entries, wouldn’t you say?

Although I’m on mat leave, I have not fallen off the face of the earth entirely – still blogging, checking facebook, on twitter, etc. To simply disappear from social networks and ignore good online discussion is not something this chatty mama is cut out for. Cocooning for an extended period of time off-line with my kiddos wouldn’t really work for me. And last I checked, my inbox didn’t get the memo that I’m on maternity leave.

In the last few days I’ve had both a radio and magazine interview. We like Mabel to get some airtime so an interview request is not the time to pull maternity leave rank – save that for when you want to guiltlessly forward annoying sales messages to your colleagues.

All things considered, my maternity leave rocks – I do what I like and ditch what I don’t. Not a bad gig really. But everyone has a different idea of what works for them.

I know one woman who was enjoying a long and successful legal and academic career when she gave birth for the first time at 43-years-old. When I was at Law School I would occasionally come across her articles which were nearly impossible to read – she spoke an entirely different language and it certainly didn’t involve words like “lactation” and “play date”. The transition from working world to mama world was too great a leap for her – she only lasted two weeks before heading back into the traditional workforce.

I know other mamas in similar situations who take great pleasure in retiring their blackberries for the full maternity leave then reluctantly blow the dust off them when it’s time to head back.

There is no right answer to what consitutes the perfect maternity leave. I’m officially heading back to Mabel life in September. After having six kids under foot all summer, the return to work will likely be a nice break from my maternity leave!

photo #1 – yes, checking my blackberry from my hospital bed

photo #2 – on the Enterprise Toronto panel last week. Finian at three weeks old was the youngest entrepreneur in attendance. Can you see the little guy on my lap?

Last week I had the pleasure of welcoming National Parenting Columnist for the CBC, Karen Horsman into my home where she interviewed me on the topic of striking the work/life balance. When we were arranging the date, I thought it was cute when she asked if there would be suitable background noise, appropriate for the segment. I let her know that noise is our speciality and we can serve it up anyway she likes it. Along with background noise, we can do headache creating noise, noise that makes the walls shake, playing in the pool noise, noise in the form of shrills, thrills, cries and laughter. Heck, we can make the kind of noise that gets neighbours calling City Council and Children’s Services. Some families fancy themselves as musicians or athletes. Nope, not us – we’re just the loud family.

I am now on day seven of the twenty days that daddy-o and the two big kids are in far off lands visiting my in-laws.

Over the last week I have repeatedly heard “how are you enjoying the break?” and “does it feel like a holiday?” Truth is, it kind of does. I have four fewer sporting events to get to each week, less bickering to mediate and the laundry demands are quite sensible. However, I still have three kids at home who are aged one, three and five. It can hardly be considered a ‘break’ or holiday destination of any kind….not much sitting on the beach or cocktail hour happening around here.

Now, we all get that motherhood is a thankless job and all that, but I’ve come to realize that a strange transformation happens when daddy-o takes over some of the parenting and family duties that mama usually handles. Instantly that parenting role is worthy of praise and suddenly folks start offering up a bit of support to the primary caregiver.

Whenever I am away on business, the troops rally around daddy-o. Children get invited for sleep-overs and play-dates, and dinner invitations come pouring in. I can guarantee that if roles were reversed and it was daddy-o home with three small children for 20 days, it would end with a ticker-tape parade through the centre of town in his honour. I would have people swarming me telling me how “lucky” I am that he is such a good father.

What do I get for my 20 days with three small children? I’m not really sure but it would be great if those troops arrived sometime soon.

A similar example is observed every August at the Mabel office. There is one Mabel mama who usually ends up putting in 16 hours days for several consecutive weeks. Her husband is a teacher so manages all things kid and household during that hectic summer season. We always marvel at the outrageous number of comments floating around about how amazing he is. I’m quite sure by the end of this summer he will be inducted into some fatherhood hall of fame. But why is he a Saint for doing for a few weeks what countless women do ALL the time?

So the double standard is clear:
- Daddy-o does the job and he gets assistance and accolades
- Mama does the job and no one really cares or notices

Whatever the reasons and answers, all I can say is that it’s a darn good thing we’re not in the business of being mamas for the glory. I’d guess it’s the great pay, hours, holidays and benefit packages that attract most of us to it.

We all have ways of defining ourselves. For me, it’s often Mompreneur, Momma of Many, Overqualified Momma (10 years post-secondary study, three degrees, yet somehow spend most of my time wiping bums and cleaning up vomit).
We also have a way of defining how we spend our time. As Mommas, it usually involves managing everything, being exhausted, yet somehow staying awake at night worrying about how little Johnny is doing at school, little Janey is getting along with her friends and if the baby will ever finish teething or go more than a week without an infectious disease.The weight of our little worlds weighs heavily on our shoulders. We’ve all enviously listened to Daddy-O snore away beside us as we are solving our world’s problems and in our spare time conquering the problems of the whole world. How do they sleep so soundly??

Last Tuesday I realized I had another title. By way of background, Tuesday is crazy day in our house because it involves an outrageous number of extra-curricular activities. Every Tuesday is like an Olympic sport around here. If everyone ends up where they are supposed to be, with the correct equipment and at the right time, I award gold medals all round.
Because of sheer numbers of kiddies in our house, we have had to breed some independent little people. One example is that everyone has to carry their own stuff – whether it be sports equipment or school bags. Even my babies have been seen dragging their diaper bags behind them.
I had a weak moment last Tuesday. As the Olympic event was finishing, we pulled the over-worked mini-van into the driveway. Kids were pooped, so I told them to just run in the house, find their pj’s and I’d bring in all the gear.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the front glass door. There I was carrying two backpacks, two violins, a bag of music books, a dance bag full of tap and ballet shoes, and two skating bags.
It was quite a vision. I had now elevated myself to a new status and self-definition:
BEAST OF BURDEN. Yep, I came to terms with the fact that I am now a donkey.

I used to think they were guilt pangs. I used to think it was stress. But yesterday I decided what happens is I am occasionally overcome with a fit of motherhood! It’s the deluxe combo including: hives, stress ulcer, hugging, crying, over-planning and strange looks from husband.

I’m talking about what happens to me when I get too buy and feel I’m starting to compromise my life-balance I claim to have. For the past 2 weekends, I’ve had Mabel related activities to attend to. My CMG (cuddly/crazy monkey girl) has spent more time in daycare than usual. Yesterday, I found out I need to pick up and head out of town again this weekend! CMG is going to spend anther Friday in daycare. I turned into a crazy person! Overcome with guilt, I broke out in hives. My mind raced with FUN things we could do to make up for this. I tried to convince my husband to take Friday off from work so she could have funday with her pops. I made plans to yank her out of daycare this afternoon for a FUN date of lunch, shopping and manicures (she’s 3, so I need to readjust this plan). I think my head was actually spinning around (my neck is killing me today!).

A friend needed to remind me that millions of kids go to daycare five days a week. My husband needed to remind me that she actually LOVES daycare. I need to remind myself that I am more present than a lot of Moms, when I can be. UGH.. It was an out-of-body experience. I have girlfriend plans next weekend, which isn’t helping. I can’t bail, so I think CMG might be coming cross-border shopping with the ‘girls from da ‘hood’ if I am still feeling this way.

ah.. working mothers. I’m sure my husband is wondering when the overwhelming fit of wifedome will hit.. or housework, or cooking.. . I can only freak out about one thing at a time!