I spent the morning at the pumpkin patch with four of my five kiddos. There were many families there spending the sunny autumn day together. Most families looked pretty nuclear – a mom and dad with a kid or two. Often when I rock up to places alone with a handful of kids I get the ‘wow, you’re brave’ look from by-standers. I don’t think people realize that it is all relative and comes down to what you are used to – stress levels for me to take four of five out would be no different to what they were a couple years ago when I’d take out two or three.
But seeing all those families spending the day together as a family unit did remind me that when you have a bigger family, you often have to split up for certain activities based on a number of different circumstances. We call this the “divide and conquer”. Today was a common case – our youngest had a fever so daddy-o stayed home with him while I took the others out for an adventure.
As we sat on the tractor awaiting arrival to our pumpkin patch destination, I asked the kiddos to remind me of our pumpkin picking rule. In unison the four little voices said “we can only pick a pumpkin that we can carry ourselves”. Many parents had a laugh and recognized that it was a sensible rule since I was on my own. I boarded the tractor for the return leg entirely empty handed while one set of eager parents were each loaded down with two huge pumpkins for their one and only darling. Perhaps if I had not been alone, I would have allowed for bigger pumpkins, but I seem to recall that this has been a long standing pumpkin picking rule of thumb, whether or not daddy-o is present.
A couple of weeks ago I had a more complex divide and conquer moment when one kid had her first hockey game, another his first cross country running meet and I was running late for a flight. We had to involve a third party in this one, namely the reliable grandmother known affectionately by all as Nan.
The divide and conquer philosophy spills into chores and errands as well. If daddy-o is heading out to the grocery store, he knows there is no going empty handed – a car seat or two better be occupied because you don’t do anything without a couple of little tag-alongs.
I remember feeling very sad at one divide and conquer moment when someone had to be taken to the hospital. It must have been a few kids ago because I remember feeling a bit fragile and wondering if I could manage it on my own, but I knew that both of us taking one child to the hospital made no practical sense at all.
I have come a long way since that time. When I was heading in for my last c-section I considered telling daddy-o that I’d just run myself down to the hospital because it would be easier if he just stayed home to manage the home front.
So while it can be difficult juggling who is taking whom to soccer, hockey or the birthday party and we sometimes quibble over who will stay home with a napper while the others head off to the park, I’m reminded of something my Aunt Sheila said at her daughter’s wedding in June that assures me that all this hard work is worth it. Aunt Sheila noted that families and sports teams are very similar -the teams that work the hardest always gain the most. Here’s hoping she’s right because it is something that gets me through some very tough days!
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