Losing a Mama Friend

January 15th, 2012
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My "Number One Son" with his life-long buddy. They met at "Moms group" when they were a couple of weeks old.

Twelve years ago I gave birth to my first beautiful baby. When he was a few weeks old, I was invited by a local midwife to a neighbourhood centre to meet other women who had also just had their first babies. It was my introduction to the “moms group”.

Moms groups get mixed reviews. Some say that having a same-aged child in common is not enough to form a social relationship. Others report that these organizations are a breeding ground for competitiveness – whose kid is rolling over, who toilet trained first, which mom has already lost the baby weight…Sometimes people have different expectations around what the group will provide for them.

These are only things I have heard. From that first moms group and through the following years I’ve spent completely immersed in the mama community, I have never experienced these things. Instead, I have been supported by other moms who want nothing but my kids to flourish and succeed. They have been my cheerleaders, friends, confidants, reliable advice-givers and opinion sharers. We have laughed and cried together, us mamas.

There is one less mama to laugh and cry with now. One of the beautiful and talented mamas I met in my very first moms group passed away on Christmas Eve. I still picture her as I saw her that very first time – sitting peacefully at the neighbourhood centre before our first meeting, nursing her beautiful daughter, Harper, with a look of love and adoration in her eyes.

You share something special with the mamas you have travelled the whole journey with – those in that first moms group. These are the people you filled the days with – walking the neighbourhood together with your strollers, chatting as you pushed toddlers on the swing at the park, taking care of each other’s kids when a sibling arrived. For over a decade we have watched each other’s children transform from newborns to pre-teens.

Of course, I can’t stop thinking about my friend’s now motherless children and what that will mean for the rest of their lives, but this passing has been a reminder to me of how special our mama relationships are. I am thankful that she was a part of my amazing introduction to the mama community, a community that will never be the same without her.

Her loss also made me think about moms groups and the very different experiences we all have. What does “moms group” mean to you? What was your experience?

Comments: 15

Where is Your Time Going?

January 12th, 2012
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Mabel's Labels The Mabelhood Blog

I had a friend share her TV watching line up with me recently and she had quite a routine with can’t miss shows.  In the same conversation we talked about how overwhelmed she is with her job responsibilities. She can’t seem to get it all done.

The problem: She is doing work while watching TV. She is a stay at home/work at home mom. When the kids go to bed she needs to work but at the same time she doesn’t want to miss her shows.

The solution: Prioritize and track your time. We want our “me” time but more and more moms have work responsibilities at home now.  We have to find that even mix. I told my friend to first track her time for the week in 15 minute increments. EVERYTHING she does for one week, honestly! We often don’t see how much time we are focusing on TV/internet/whatever and letting other things slip through the cracks.

My friend realized that if she chose two nights to dedicate to uninterrupted work she was more focused and got more done than if she had scattered it out every night while watching TV.

So I dare everyone to track your time for a week and see what is slowly eating away at your days and causing frustration.  Prioritize what MUST be done while keeping some adequate me time!

 

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Picture It Organized

January 6th, 2012
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Mabel's Labels
Wanting to get organized this year once and for all? Don’t we all? I’m not big on setting resolutions; they tend to fade after a few weeks. We have the best intentions but really if you are going to do something you can just as easily do it now or in July. No matter when you get started the point is that you start!

Have you ever taken a step back and gotten a bird’s eye view of your home? This will certainly give you the motivation needed to get the ball rolling on an organizing project. Stop what you are doing and go take a picture of a random room in your home. What do you see??

Often we get so busy in our day-to-day lives that we don’t allow ourselves to see the big picture. We can easily let the clutter fade to the background as we go about our day. Once we get to the point of overwhelm we finally take notice.

If you are getting organized this year start by taking a picture of each space and taking note of those problem spots that stick out. The picture allows you to disassociate yourself from the space and for a moment you can pretend it is someone else’s clutter!

Are you taking on a big organizing project in 2012? Where will you start?

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Outing Santa

December 18th, 2011
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Good big brothers don't expose the Santa lie to little brothers.

I spoke last year about the difficulty of outing Santa to my son. He was at an age that most kids no longer believed, so he needed to know – I didn’t want his ‘believing’ to potentially embarrass him among his peers.
I took the opportunity to spill the beans about Santa to him last June. The timing was good since absolutely no one was talking about Mr. Claus. My son was shocked, but generally it went over well. I positioned it in a way that he felt a part of the inner circle of maturity – he now had the responsibility not to ruin it for his younger siblings. He was on the same team as us parents, and it seemed to have some legs.

Not long after that, my 10-year-old daughter came downstairs one morning in tears. Apparently that slacker of a Tooth Fairy had forgotten to visit for the third night in a row. I guided her into the mud room, shut the door and said: “OK listen, I’m the Tooth Fairy and I suck at it, so (reaching into my pocket) here’s five bucks. You’re getting a couple of bucks extra as hush money”. She started laughing hysterically and asked who else was in on it. I said her big brother knew so she sought him out for a quiet meeting for those “in the know”. Big brother assumed she knew about all of the parental lies so blew the Santa secret. No great surprise for her – she admitted to having some suspicions on the Santa front.

Now that the holiday season is upon us, my son said to me last week “Mom, I’m really mad at you for telling me about Santa, but thanking you since no other kids my age believe in him. But, it’s still OK for me to believe in the Christmas spirit, right?” Yes son, permission granted.

And so, I have four believers in the big guy left and suspect by this time next year I’ll be down to three. The good news is, the two biggies are a great help. I can take them shopping and not worry about buying presents for the other kids. Also, they are in charge of relocating that ridiculous Elf on a Shelf every day. If you think I’m a bad Tooth Fairy, that’s nothing compared to when I had Elf-moving duties. Let’s just say we had the laziest Elf in town – and that’s exactly what I’d tell the kids.

Do you have a houseful of believers?

Comments: 10

Setting Goals For the New Year

December 9th, 2011
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Mabel's Labels Kids Labels
Today I sat it on a wonderful meeting where we discussed goal-setting strategies for the upcoming year. It may be hard to think about the next year when we are right in the middle of the holiday hustle and bustle, but now is a great time to start thinking about what you want the next year to look like.

Take a piece of paper out and write down one business and personal goal you want to reach in the next year. Over the next few weeks start making a list of all the little tasks that need to be done to fulfill that goal. When the new year rolls around start implementing a few of those tasks each week until you reach your goal.

Plan out your week ahead of time to see how these new tasks can fit in. Be aware of this procrastination pitfall: As your list starts getting marked off you may see there are a few tasks you keep skipping over because you just flat out don’t like to do that activity or it is not a strength of yours. Instead of avoiding it all together, ask yourself if the task is necessary to get the job done, if so can it be delegated? As mom’s we tend to see ourselves as a “one woman show” when in reality we have a multitude of friends that would be willing to share a specific skill set. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Break your goals into manageable bite sized tasks while keeping the big picture in mind! If you are connecting the dots, which dot is next in order to get the picture to look right?

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