My 6-year-old has started giving me attitude. The back talk and eye rolling is driving me nuts. I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this until the teen years! What can I do to discourage it?

You spend months waiting for that precious first word…and even with the first few sassy comments from your toddler you’re still marvelling at her ingenuity. But fast forward five years and suddenly she’s getting all too comfortable with the cheeky talk! Now it’s time to re-establish ground rules for respect.

Model: You may not think the kids are paying attention to the boring adult conversation going on around them, but their little ears are always open. When the kiddies are in the room (or eavesdropping at the top of the stairs!) make a conscious effort to speak to, and about, other adults with courtesy. More importantly, be respectful when talking to your child. Aside from helping to strengthen your relationship, it also teaches them that the rules apply to everybody.

Teach them to know their audience: Little boys are going to giggle about toilet talk, and teens are probably going to drop the odd curse word, but be firm in establishing that the way we talk to our peers is not the same way we talk to our ‘elders.’ It sounds a bit stuffy and formal, but even as adults we all have certain friends/family members for whom we bring out our best behaviour.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Charity begins at home right? Maybe not. If you’ve been busting yourself to try and set the right example and discourage sassy talk to what seems like no avail, don’t despair. Find out how things are going when they’re away from you. If they are able to pull out nice manners when they go to a friend’s for dinner, with grandparents, at school, then you’re probably on the right track.

I quickly learned after my first child was born that much of the cutesy stuff hanging in the closet would hardly get touched. It seemed like between changes and messes and drooling my son lived in onesies until it was time to go outside. Most of the clothes were never worn because he grew out of them so fast. Now 9 years later I am happy that his school has a simple dress code. It helps take the guess work out of what we need. I simply buy what we need for a little over a week, because we rarely go over one week for doing laundry. After having three children clothes can get a little pricey so this guideline has helped us keep clothing under control. Of course we throw in a couple of extra fun outfits and the grandparents and aunts tend to send extras as well but by keeping the clothing we buy to a minimum we really cut out the clutter.

What about you? Do you keep tabs on how much clothing the kids have or do you go all out?

I sat down to write a nice blog about Daddy-o, because really, he is a fantastic father. But it’s not really my style to write a mushy post about how fabulous he is, so instead I thought I’d talk about how he almost broke the baby this week.

Daddy-o came home from work the other day and joined us all in the backyard. I went inside and started puttering around when suddenly I heard the panicked words of Daddy-o: “oh man….don’t move buddy, just stay right there.” I looked out the window to see my 13-month-old teetering half way up the wooden deck steps looking like he was about to take a step down. Daddy-o was running, but it was too late. Through the window, as if in slow motion, I watched my baby fall down the steps onto the cement patio.

Two initial reactions:
1) I was sick about the big bump on our baby’s head.
2) I was annoyed that Daddy-o thought it was somehow OK to take his eyes off our busy 13-month-old for even a second.

I have a friend who is married to an “absent-minded professor” type. You know how sometimes you’ll put your coffee on the roof of the car while you get in, and then drive away forgetting all about it? When my friend was expecting her first baby, it occurred to her that it would be entirely within the realm of possibility for her husband to do that with a baby in a bucket car seat. She sat her husband down and told him that if he was careless and it resulted in an injured baby, she would never, ever forgive him. She felt bad threatening him with their marriage before the baby was even born, but his absent-mindedness knew no limits. It worked – they have four kids who have survived babyhood.

Daddy-o claims he was just a bit rusty – it has been a couple of years since we had a tippy toddler. It’s easy to forget how quickly they move and we all know that these falls can happen right under our noses. But clearly, he took his eyes of the baby long enough for baby to get across the yard and up the steps. So what is a mama to do? We don’t want to nag our husbands about their supervision skills, but we need to have confidence that our kids are safe.

What is your experience? Does the Daddy-o around your house have good instincts or are you always a little nervous when he’s alone with the kiddos? Have you effectively communicated your concerns, or does he feel like you’re a nag?

In short, do you trust your husband with your babies?

When’s the best time to start toilet training with my toddler? How do I know if he’s ready?

Call it potty training, toilet learning or elimination communication, it all means the same thing—no more late night runs to the drugstore to buy diapers. But when? And how?

Ignore the masses: Don’t worry about the ‘right age’ for toileting. If their communication skills are good enough to understand basic instructions give it a go. Don’t feel badly if you have to put it off for a while. Busy holiday seasons or the arrival of new siblings are reason enough to keep the diaper bag stocked for a bit longer. Even waiting until the summer where there are fewer layers of clothing to deal with is sometimes a good bet. There’s no magic window of opportunity.

Commit: You don’t necessarily have to wait for your child to show interest. If you have a particularly active child, sitting still on the potty may not be something he’ll voluntarily choose to do if there is nothing in it for him. Load up on rewards and goodies, give yourself permission to bribe shamelessly with chocolate, and set aside a few days at home to go cold turkey. If it’s not going as you hoped after the first day or two, try again in a few weeks.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Kids learn by example. And it is way more fun listening to other kids than listening to boring old mom. Hook up with some older friends who will be proud to show off their skills. Even better, when younger playmates are around, your child will have a chance to shine too. My little guy always had a built in cheerleading section at playgroups –nothing like a round of Smarties for the house to get all the other toddlers shouting ‘Go pee!!!’

Nanny Carrie needs some feedback! We’ve covered a lot of toddler issues. Do you have questions about your school aged kids or tweens? Post ‘em here!

When we have our babies, it is natural to transform into “mama bear”, stopping at nothing to defend and protect. For the mama who has a child facing additional challenges, this instinct goes into overdrive. Having a child with autism has made me respond to certain comments irrationally. I can be oversensitive – even when comments are said in kindness or without any intention of harm.

That is my disclaimer. If you’re curious about what common and harmless things you are saying that make my ears bleed, here goes:

1) “All I want is a healthy baby.”
I get that. It makes sense to me – health is the most important gift we can ask for. But, bring out my psycho sidekick self and you want to know what it hears? It hears that the very last thing you want is a child like mine. I know that’s not really what’s being said, but it’s what the little friend in my head is hearing!

2) “Your son was born to you because you are strong and can handle it.”
I understand and appreciate this is a compliment, but in those early and difficult days when I was digesting an autism diagnosis, I wanted to scream “So let me get this straight – I’m rewarded for being a competent parent by having a kid with autism?!” My rational self knows you are encouraging me but that little crazy me is turning red, stamping feet and yelling “it’s not FAIR” better than any 4-year-old you’ve encountered.

3) “He’s lucky to have you.”
The thing is, I’m lucky to have him. When I hear how fortunate he is to have me, it makes me feel like you see him as a burden. Please remember, I feel like I picked a four-leaf clover on the morning of his birth.

So next time you say something completely innocent, and I start frothing at the mouth and growling, you’ll know that it’s a simple case of mama bear gone mad.