I sat down to write a nice blog about Daddy-o, because really, he is a fantastic father. But it’s not really my style to write a mushy post about how fabulous he is, so instead I thought I’d talk about how he almost broke the baby this week.

Daddy-o came home from work the other day and joined us all in the backyard. I went inside and started puttering around when suddenly I heard the panicked words of Daddy-o: “oh man….don’t move buddy, just stay right there.” I looked out the window to see my 13-month-old teetering half way up the wooden deck steps looking like he was about to take a step down. Daddy-o was running, but it was too late. Through the window, as if in slow motion, I watched my baby fall down the steps onto the cement patio.

Two initial reactions:
1) I was sick about the big bump on our baby’s head.
2) I was annoyed that Daddy-o thought it was somehow OK to take his eyes off our busy 13-month-old for even a second.

I have a friend who is married to an “absent-minded professor” type. You know how sometimes you’ll put your coffee on the roof of the car while you get in, and then drive away forgetting all about it? When my friend was expecting her first baby, it occurred to her that it would be entirely within the realm of possibility for her husband to do that with a baby in a bucket car seat. She sat her husband down and told him that if he was careless and it resulted in an injured baby, she would never, ever forgive him. She felt bad threatening him with their marriage before the baby was even born, but his absent-mindedness knew no limits. It worked – they have four kids who have survived babyhood.

Daddy-o claims he was just a bit rusty – it has been a couple of years since we had a tippy toddler. It’s easy to forget how quickly they move and we all know that these falls can happen right under our noses. But clearly, he took his eyes of the baby long enough for baby to get across the yard and up the steps. So what is a mama to do? We don’t want to nag our husbands about their supervision skills, but we need to have confidence that our kids are safe.

What is your experience? Does the Daddy-o around your house have good instincts or are you always a little nervous when he’s alone with the kiddos? Have you effectively communicated your concerns, or does he feel like you’re a nag?

In short, do you trust your husband with your babies?

When’s the best time to start toilet training with my toddler? How do I know if he’s ready?

Call it potty training, toilet learning or elimination communication, it all means the same thing—no more late night runs to the drugstore to buy diapers. But when? And how?

Ignore the masses: Don’t worry about the ‘right age’ for toileting. If their communication skills are good enough to understand basic instructions give it a go. Don’t feel badly if you have to put it off for a while. Busy holiday seasons or the arrival of new siblings are reason enough to keep the diaper bag stocked for a bit longer. Even waiting until the summer where there are fewer layers of clothing to deal with is sometimes a good bet. There’s no magic window of opportunity.

Commit: You don’t necessarily have to wait for your child to show interest. If you have a particularly active child, sitting still on the potty may not be something he’ll voluntarily choose to do if there is nothing in it for him. Load up on rewards and goodies, give yourself permission to bribe shamelessly with chocolate, and set aside a few days at home to go cold turkey. If it’s not going as you hoped after the first day or two, try again in a few weeks.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Kids learn by example. And it is way more fun listening to other kids than listening to boring old mom. Hook up with some older friends who will be proud to show off their skills. Even better, when younger playmates are around, your child will have a chance to shine too. My little guy always had a built in cheerleading section at playgroups –nothing like a round of Smarties for the house to get all the other toddlers shouting ‘Go pee!!!’

Nanny Carrie needs some feedback! We’ve covered a lot of toddler issues. Do you have questions about your school aged kids or tweens? Post ‘em here!

When we have our babies, it is natural to transform into “mama bear”, stopping at nothing to defend and protect. For the mama who has a child facing additional challenges, this instinct goes into overdrive. Having a child with autism has made me respond to certain comments irrationally. I can be oversensitive – even when comments are said in kindness or without any intention of harm.

That is my disclaimer. If you’re curious about what common and harmless things you are saying that make my ears bleed, here goes:

1) “All I want is a healthy baby.”
I get that. It makes sense to me – health is the most important gift we can ask for. But, bring out my psycho sidekick self and you want to know what it hears? It hears that the very last thing you want is a child like mine. I know that’s not really what’s being said, but it’s what the little friend in my head is hearing!

2) “Your son was born to you because you are strong and can handle it.”
I understand and appreciate this is a compliment, but in those early and difficult days when I was digesting an autism diagnosis, I wanted to scream “So let me get this straight – I’m rewarded for being a competent parent by having a kid with autism?!” My rational self knows you are encouraging me but that little crazy me is turning red, stamping feet and yelling “it’s not FAIR” better than any 4-year-old you’ve encountered.

3) “He’s lucky to have you.”
The thing is, I’m lucky to have him. When I hear how fortunate he is to have me, it makes me feel like you see him as a burden. Please remember, I feel like I picked a four-leaf clover on the morning of his birth.

So next time you say something completely innocent, and I start frothing at the mouth and growling, you’ll know that it’s a simple case of mama bear gone mad.

There is a lot of conflicting advice about ‘time-outs.’ At what age should I start using them and how can I make them effective?

Start young: The trouble with one-year-olds is that you really don’t have much leverage. You can’t bump up his curfew or unplug his phone, and if you take a toy away from him, he will probably forget about it entirely. At this age, time-outs are a perfect way for mom to express displeasure with certain behaviours. Do you have a baby who likes testing out new teeth on your shoulder? Sit him down on the floor for 30 seconds whenever he bites and he’ll soon learn that he doesn’t get to hang out with you if he keeps it up.

Give warnings: By about age 2 most kids can begin to understand the ‘1-2-3’ warnings, and it is only fair to give them a heads up that you are not impressed with their behaviour. Use your judgement though—if your child bites his sister or runs out into the street, don’t let him do it two more times before imposing a consequence. Certain behaviours get a one-way ticket to time-out…do not pass ‘Go,’ do not collect $200.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: I tend to be a bit wary of the idea of the ‘time-in’ but if your child is having a rough day and you’re starting to notice a wear in the carpet from his beaten path to and from the time-out spot, you may need a little time together to get things sorted out. Kids in meltdown mode may need a little help getting back on track, so offer him the choice between chilling out by himself or cuddling with you on the couch. You may find that the latter helps everyone calm down more quickly.

Can you imagine saying something mean to that cute face? I did and it didn’t feel good.

Mornings around our house are always hectic. The other day, my five-year-old woke up excited that the long awaited kindergarten trip to the fire station had arrived. The best part – I was going along as a classroom volunteer. She is a real mama’s girl, so that was a pretty big deal in her little world.

This particular kid is a bit of a fashionista. By dumb luck, our kids ended up in a public school that has uniforms. As such, there is no real discussion about what kids are going to wear to school. However, my fashionista girl regularly express opinions about shoes, sweaters and coats.

On the day of the school trip, the morning was madness. I had to get the kindergarten kid and the three biggies out the door. The baby was screaming for breakfast and the pre-schooler had to get dressed for nursery school. I was under pressure for time since I had to get myself organized in order to be at school on time for the field trip. I handed my kindergarten kid her sweater with instructions to put it on and head out the door for the bus. She started fussing, complaining and carrying on about not wanting that sweater. I snapped. Out of my mouth came something that stopped her in her tracks. I said “If I get any fuss about this, I will not be going to the fire station”. She looked startled and quickly put the sweater on.

I consider that statement to be a perfect example of lazy parenting. Did I really just threaten to take away something so special to her – spending time with me? Did I really just serve up a threat I would not have followed up on? Yep and yep.

Half an hour later I was driving to the school with tears streaming down my face. When I arrived, my daughter’s little face lit up. I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry about the sweater incident and that I wouldn’t have missed the school trip for anything. She laughed and said “I know, mama!”

I’ve still got a lump in my throat as I type this, but I’m trying to remind myself that if my dear, sweet five-year-old can forgive me, maybe it’s time to forgive myself.