My 9-year-old often comes up to me whining that he’s “bored.”  Even if we’ve had a busy morning packed with activities, sometimes we’re barely home half an hour before I hear those dreaded words!  Does he need more activities?  Or should he be able to figure out how to entertain himself?

You know your child best.  Some children thrive with a packed activity schedule, others can easily amuse themselves with a book or a game for an hour at a time.  As a kid, I always remember my little sister waking my parents at 6:00am every Saturday saying “What are we doing today?” which, loosely translated, meant “I need a project, and I need one NOW!”  Still, even the most packed schedule requires some downtime and kids need to learn how to find their own amusement.

Pencil in family time: Before sending the kiddies off to fend for themselves, make sure you’ve factored in some family fun.  Game nights, movie nights, and family bike rides are a few ways for the kids to know they’ve got a fun ‘date’ with mom or dad’s undivided attention to look forward to.

Find a pattern: When does he complain of boredom the most?  A rainy day? Vacation time? When the siblings are at school?  Sometimes a dull afternoon is unavoidable, but if you see a pattern forming, try and modify the schedule to fill the worst boredom hours with some planned activities.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Fill a jar with activities (board game, drawing, craft, etc.) written on slips of paper for the kids to draw from whenever you hear those two dreaded words.  Better still, (or if the complaining gets unbearable!), make it a chore jar.  You’ll be surprised how quickly your kiddos can scurry off and occupy themselves if the alternative is taking out the garbage!

Since my youngest child is now completely potty trained and we are getting more freedom to roam around, I have been thinking about places I would like to travel with my kids. Besides the regular organizing odds and ends of taking trips I have really been thinking about safety. I think about this especially if I am on an outing alone… 3 kids + my two arms = I’m outnumbered! What can we do to insure our child’s safety or at least a speedy return if something were to happen?

1. Wear bright colored clothing to spot a child in a crowd. Better yet make them all match, the older kids will surely NOT love this, but better safe than sorry!

2. Have children wear Mabel’s Labels My 411 Wristbands and have your cell phone number printed on them so you can be called right away.

3. Snap a picture before you enter a busy place so you have the absolute most updated picture and an accurate description of what child is wearing.

What safety precautions have you taken while traveling with your children?

When you’ve been changing diapers for almost 11 years straight and you have been pregnant for about 250 weeks, it is fair to make claim to a bit of brain mush now and again. Sleep deprivation can make a mama foggy at times. Going to the grocery store and leaving without the item I went for is a common occurrence. Once, I was driving down the street with a van load of kids and had to pull over for a minute to think. You see, I had forgotten which child was being driven to what activity. When I looked in the rear-view mirror, I noticed one in a soccer uniform so I was able to carry on without actually having to admit anything to the kids.

But there are bigger things that I don’t remember – the things that I did before I had kids.

What did I do in the evenings? What did I start questioning at 4:00pm every day if not “What am I going to feed them?” To remove that daily dilemma from my brain space would leave quite a gap. Along with “feeding time at the zoo”, my evenings consist of organizing homework, packing school lunches and shuttling people to sports and dance classes. If not doing that, what would I be doing? I just can’t remember. Maybe I watched the 6:00pm news. Maybe I had a hobby. Whatever it was, it’s long gone from my immediate memory.

Waking up naturally because my body has had enough sleep.
Actually, I can’t even remember what it’s like to wake up to the sound of an alarm clock. I vaguely remember that sensation of a Saturday morning sleep- in, dozing in and out of lazy slumber, eventually crawling out of bed when it suited me. Yeah, vaguely.

Eating in a civilized fashion.
I can’t remember what it’s like to sit down and eat an entire plate of food without having to get up half a dozen times. What is it like to sit around a table enjoying food and chatter without springing up regularly to fetch things and cut up food on other people’s plates? I’ve been to dinner parties and left without actually having had dinner myself. And I’m told food is normally served hot. Imagine that – it’s actually HOT when served! By the time I get to my food, “hot” would not be a suitable description.

But from what all the weathered mamas tell me, these busy mama days go too quickly and before you know it, they too will become vague memories. So I think for the moment I’ll just clutch onto my cold dinners and hectic evenings for as long as I possibly can.

My 6-year-old has started giving me attitude. The back talk and eye rolling is driving me nuts. I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this until the teen years! What can I do to discourage it?

You spend months waiting for that precious first word…and even with the first few sassy comments from your toddler you’re still marvelling at her ingenuity. But fast forward five years and suddenly she’s getting all too comfortable with the cheeky talk! Now it’s time to re-establish ground rules for respect.

Model: You may not think the kids are paying attention to the boring adult conversation going on around them, but their little ears are always open. When the kiddies are in the room (or eavesdropping at the top of the stairs!) make a conscious effort to speak to, and about, other adults with courtesy. More importantly, be respectful when talking to your child. Aside from helping to strengthen your relationship, it also teaches them that the rules apply to everybody.

Teach them to know their audience: Little boys are going to giggle about toilet talk, and teens are probably going to drop the odd curse word, but be firm in establishing that the way we talk to our peers is not the same way we talk to our ‘elders.’ It sounds a bit stuffy and formal, but even as adults we all have certain friends/family members for whom we bring out our best behaviour.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Charity begins at home right? Maybe not. If you’ve been busting yourself to try and set the right example and discourage sassy talk to what seems like no avail, don’t despair. Find out how things are going when they’re away from you. If they are able to pull out nice manners when they go to a friend’s for dinner, with grandparents, at school, then you’re probably on the right track.

I quickly learned after my first child was born that much of the cutesy stuff hanging in the closet would hardly get touched. It seemed like between changes and messes and drooling my son lived in onesies until it was time to go outside. Most of the clothes were never worn because he grew out of them so fast. Now 9 years later I am happy that his school has a simple dress code. It helps take the guess work out of what we need. I simply buy what we need for a little over a week, because we rarely go over one week for doing laundry. After having three children clothes can get a little pricey so this guideline has helped us keep clothing under control. Of course we throw in a couple of extra fun outfits and the grandparents and aunts tend to send extras as well but by keeping the clothing we buy to a minimum we really cut out the clutter.

What about you? Do you keep tabs on how much clothing the kids have or do you go all out?

I sat down to write a nice blog about Daddy-o, because really, he is a fantastic father. But it’s not really my style to write a mushy post about how fabulous he is, so instead I thought I’d talk about how he almost broke the baby this week.

Daddy-o came home from work the other day and joined us all in the backyard. I went inside and started puttering around when suddenly I heard the panicked words of Daddy-o: “oh man….don’t move buddy, just stay right there.” I looked out the window to see my 13-month-old teetering half way up the wooden deck steps looking like he was about to take a step down. Daddy-o was running, but it was too late. Through the window, as if in slow motion, I watched my baby fall down the steps onto the cement patio.

Two initial reactions:
1) I was sick about the big bump on our baby’s head.
2) I was annoyed that Daddy-o thought it was somehow OK to take his eyes off our busy 13-month-old for even a second.

I have a friend who is married to an “absent-minded professor” type. You know how sometimes you’ll put your coffee on the roof of the car while you get in, and then drive away forgetting all about it? When my friend was expecting her first baby, it occurred to her that it would be entirely within the realm of possibility for her husband to do that with a baby in a bucket car seat. She sat her husband down and told him that if he was careless and it resulted in an injured baby, she would never, ever forgive him. She felt bad threatening him with their marriage before the baby was even born, but his absent-mindedness knew no limits. It worked – they have four kids who have survived babyhood.

Daddy-o claims he was just a bit rusty – it has been a couple of years since we had a tippy toddler. It’s easy to forget how quickly they move and we all know that these falls can happen right under our noses. But clearly, he took his eyes of the baby long enough for baby to get across the yard and up the steps. So what is a mama to do? We don’t want to nag our husbands about their supervision skills, but we need to have confidence that our kids are safe.

What is your experience? Does the Daddy-o around your house have good instincts or are you always a little nervous when he’s alone with the kiddos? Have you effectively communicated your concerns, or does he feel like you’re a nag?

In short, do you trust your husband with your babies?

When’s the best time to start toilet training with my toddler? How do I know if he’s ready?

Call it potty training, toilet learning or elimination communication, it all means the same thing—no more late night runs to the drugstore to buy diapers. But when? And how?

Ignore the masses: Don’t worry about the ‘right age’ for toileting. If their communication skills are good enough to understand basic instructions give it a go. Don’t feel badly if you have to put it off for a while. Busy holiday seasons or the arrival of new siblings are reason enough to keep the diaper bag stocked for a bit longer. Even waiting until the summer where there are fewer layers of clothing to deal with is sometimes a good bet. There’s no magic window of opportunity.

Commit: You don’t necessarily have to wait for your child to show interest. If you have a particularly active child, sitting still on the potty may not be something he’ll voluntarily choose to do if there is nothing in it for him. Load up on rewards and goodies, give yourself permission to bribe shamelessly with chocolate, and set aside a few days at home to go cold turkey. If it’s not going as you hoped after the first day or two, try again in a few weeks.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Kids learn by example. And it is way more fun listening to other kids than listening to boring old mom. Hook up with some older friends who will be proud to show off their skills. Even better, when younger playmates are around, your child will have a chance to shine too. My little guy always had a built in cheerleading section at playgroups –nothing like a round of Smarties for the house to get all the other toddlers shouting ‘Go pee!!!’

Nanny Carrie needs some feedback! We’ve covered a lot of toddler issues. Do you have questions about your school aged kids or tweens? Post ‘em here!

When we have our babies, it is natural to transform into “mama bear”, stopping at nothing to defend and protect. For the mama who has a child facing additional challenges, this instinct goes into overdrive. Having a child with autism has made me respond to certain comments irrationally. I can be oversensitive – even when comments are said in kindness or without any intention of harm.

That is my disclaimer. If you’re curious about what common and harmless things you are saying that make my ears bleed, here goes:

1) “All I want is a healthy baby.”
I get that. It makes sense to me – health is the most important gift we can ask for. But, bring out my psycho sidekick self and you want to know what it hears? It hears that the very last thing you want is a child like mine. I know that’s not really what’s being said, but it’s what the little friend in my head is hearing!

2) “Your son was born to you because you are strong and can handle it.”
I understand and appreciate this is a compliment, but in those early and difficult days when I was digesting an autism diagnosis, I wanted to scream “So let me get this straight – I’m rewarded for being a competent parent by having a kid with autism?!” My rational self knows you are encouraging me but that little crazy me is turning red, stamping feet and yelling “it’s not FAIR” better than any 4-year-old you’ve encountered.

3) “He’s lucky to have you.”
The thing is, I’m lucky to have him. When I hear how fortunate he is to have me, it makes me feel like you see him as a burden. Please remember, I feel like I picked a four-leaf clover on the morning of his birth.

So next time you say something completely innocent, and I start frothing at the mouth and growling, you’ll know that it’s a simple case of mama bear gone mad.

There is a lot of conflicting advice about ‘time-outs.’ At what age should I start using them and how can I make them effective?

Start young: The trouble with one-year-olds is that you really don’t have much leverage. You can’t bump up his curfew or unplug his phone, and if you take a toy away from him, he will probably forget about it entirely. At this age, time-outs are a perfect way for mom to express displeasure with certain behaviours. Do you have a baby who likes testing out new teeth on your shoulder? Sit him down on the floor for 30 seconds whenever he bites and he’ll soon learn that he doesn’t get to hang out with you if he keeps it up.

Give warnings: By about age 2 most kids can begin to understand the ‘1-2-3’ warnings, and it is only fair to give them a heads up that you are not impressed with their behaviour. Use your judgement though—if your child bites his sister or runs out into the street, don’t let him do it two more times before imposing a consequence. Certain behaviours get a one-way ticket to time-out…do not pass ‘Go,’ do not collect $200.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: I tend to be a bit wary of the idea of the ‘time-in’ but if your child is having a rough day and you’re starting to notice a wear in the carpet from his beaten path to and from the time-out spot, you may need a little time together to get things sorted out. Kids in meltdown mode may need a little help getting back on track, so offer him the choice between chilling out by himself or cuddling with you on the couch. You may find that the latter helps everyone calm down more quickly.

Can you imagine saying something mean to that cute face? I did and it didn’t feel good.

Mornings around our house are always hectic. The other day, my five-year-old woke up excited that the long awaited kindergarten trip to the fire station had arrived. The best part – I was going along as a classroom volunteer. She is a real mama’s girl, so that was a pretty big deal in her little world.

This particular kid is a bit of a fashionista. By dumb luck, our kids ended up in a public school that has uniforms. As such, there is no real discussion about what kids are going to wear to school. However, my fashionista girl regularly express opinions about shoes, sweaters and coats.

On the day of the school trip, the morning was madness. I had to get the kindergarten kid and the three biggies out the door. The baby was screaming for breakfast and the pre-schooler had to get dressed for nursery school. I was under pressure for time since I had to get myself organized in order to be at school on time for the field trip. I handed my kindergarten kid her sweater with instructions to put it on and head out the door for the bus. She started fussing, complaining and carrying on about not wanting that sweater. I snapped. Out of my mouth came something that stopped her in her tracks. I said “If I get any fuss about this, I will not be going to the fire station”. She looked startled and quickly put the sweater on.

I consider that statement to be a perfect example of lazy parenting. Did I really just threaten to take away something so special to her – spending time with me? Did I really just serve up a threat I would not have followed up on? Yep and yep.

Half an hour later I was driving to the school with tears streaming down my face. When I arrived, my daughter’s little face lit up. I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry about the sweater incident and that I wouldn’t have missed the school trip for anything. She laughed and said “I know, mama!”

I’ve still got a lump in my throat as I type this, but I’m trying to remind myself that if my dear, sweet five-year-old can forgive me, maybe it’s time to forgive myself.