I’m always mortified when we go out in public and my child throws a temper tantrum. How can I avoid these embarrassing situations without hiring a babysitter every time I need to go shopping?

When I was working as a nanny I have to admit the public meltdowns never really fazed me. I would calmly do my thing but if the tantrum continued, so be it– I wouldn’t give in. I often wondered if I would feel differently when I had my own kids. Suddenly I’m standing in the middle of the book store with this little creature who has thrown himself to the ground sobbing for injustice everywhere—and he belongs to me. Fortunately I haven’t found myself reaching for the dark sunglasses and wig just yet. Here are a few suggestions for managing public temper tantrums and the embarrassment that goes with them.

Keep your cool: The only sound that reverberates louder than a child screaming in a toy store is the mother who is yelling at her to “be quiet.” Keep your response calm. After all, a 4-year-old’s tantrum is not that interesting to listen to, but a frazzled mama who is at her wit’s end is going to draw a much bigger crowd. You won’t always be able to avoid a tantrum but your audience will be impressed if you are able to keep a level head in spite of it.

 Play fair: Imagine if you were in the bookstore reading the back cover of a novel and suddenly you’re dragged out of the store by your arm mid-sentence. Give your child the same courtesy you would expect for yourself. If she’s playing nicely when it’s time to leave the store/park/playdate, give her a warning. I find a 2-minute warning followed by a “One last turn (on the slide etc.) before we go” usually give us the smoothest transition.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: I’m all for a bit of bribery in the right situation but if you set out with “If you behave I’ll give you…..” then everyone’s going to be disappointed when the trip is a bust, including you. Instead, wait for a successful outing and end it with ‘I’d like to take you for an ice cream because you did such a wonderful job waiting patiently in the shop this morning without making any fuss!’ An unexpected reward will make a longer lasting impression because she will be delighted to have made you so proud rather than expecting a treat in exchange for good behaviour.

I’m having a hard time getting my child to eat much variety.  And fruits and veggies? Forget it!  What can I do about my picky eater?

Every mama, whether she’s a polar bear or a sparrow, shares one instinct—we all want to feed our babies.  So it can be incredibly frustrating and stressful when our little people refuse to eat.  While we can’t force them to eat, take heart in the fact that a normal healthy child will not allow himself to starve and try a few ideas to encourage a wider variety at mealtimes.

Don’t be a short order cook:  Ever notice how one day your child can scarf down a whole plate of lasagna and then three days later that same lasagna has been hurled onto the kitchen floor?  It’s not that little Bobby has suddenly developed an aversion to it–he’s just thinking ‘I’m not in the mood for lasagna, what else ya got?’   So what’s a mama to do?  Well, think back to that polar bear.  You can bet that she’s not going to nip out to the local Dairy Queen for ice cream if her baby decides he doesn’t like fish anymore.  Stick with what’s on the menu so the kiddies don’t think they can get away with holding out for their favourites. 

Go for the instant replay:  I confess that I’m not determined enough to bring out last night’s untouched dinner for today’s breakfast, but don’t hesitate to retry foods at the next meal.  If lunch was a no-go, don’t feel you need to serve their favourites for dinner in order to make up for the missed meal.  Take advantage of the fact that they’ll be less picky if they’re really hungry.

They don’t need much:  We’ve all seen children eat 3 slices of pizza and a piece of cake in one sitting but it doesn’t mean they require that much food.  The amount of food a small child needs is actually surprisingly small, so even if he only has a few bites of a new or less favoured food, consider it a success.

Get creative:  Figure out where/when they’re most likely to eat healthy foods.  Maybe they happily clean their plates if you’re at a friend’s house.  My 2-year-old will try anything so long as he’s standing on a chair at the kitchen counter ‘helping’ me cook.  When the environment is more fun, they’re less likely to start a power struggle.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Prepare meals in small freezable servings (mini-muffin tins are perfect) so you can easily introduce new foods on a regular basis without the hassle of making it from scratch each time and the frustration of throwing out large uneaten portions.

Meal planning is a great way to cut out some of the chaos in your week. There is nothing worse than trying to figure out what to make for dinner at 5pm. And when you do finally decide on something, you realize you don’t have a key ingredient!

You can save money with meal planning. In order to save money while meal planning browse the weekend sale flyers before planning your meals. Base the plan on what is on sale instead of picking random recipes from a cookbook. Maybe there is a great deal on chicken this week. Once you discover that, then see what meals you can make with chicken.

Another way you save money with meal planning is by making fewer trips to the store. If you’re constantly running back to the store for that key ingredient you are most likely picking up other unnecessary items along the way. If you meal plan you won’t be tempted to spend extra money during the week.

Meal plan weekly or monthly. There are people that successfully meal plan for the week and the month. If you are a buy-in-bulk shopper, you may be able to pull off making a meal plan monthly. Just imagine, a whole month of meals laid out in front of you! Perhaps you are a weekly shopper and prefer to do a weekly meal plan. Either will work; it just depends on what works best for you!

I can’t stand the whining!  Sometimes it feels like my child is whining all day, every day.  What can I do to discourage it and get her to communicate nicely?

It’s a sound a parent could identify anywhere…the dreaded whining of a grumpy kiddo.  And is it just me or is it that much more difficult to listen to when we’re cooped up inside on cold winter months? 

You may have a child who can be jollied out of their whiny moods with mama making jokes or even echoing the whine so they can giggle about how silly it sounds.  Not my boy.  Around here, whining quickly turns into wailing if he feels I’m not taking him seriously.  So what can we do to keep the tone cheerful?

Respect the problem:  More often than not, your little one is whining because something is wrong.  It doesn’t mean you can fix it (“Yes, you still have to make your bed.”  “No you may not have cookies for dinner.”), but you can still show your child that you understand their feelings.  Validate their emotions with comments like “I understand that you don’t want to tidy up the playroom but someone might trip and get hurt if there are toys all over the floor.”  Your child will appreciate it if they feel like they’re being heard.

Ignore it: Once you’ve acknowledged their reasons for being upset, you’re free to ignore the whining that continues.  Don’t forget though, younger ones will need reminders to switch to a more cheerful tone. (“Use your words please.”  “Can you ask me in a friendly voice?”)

Distract them:  Nothing has me knocking on the neighbour’s door begging for a playdate faster than a toddler who woke up on the wrong side of bed.  A change of scenery and some new faces can help perk up even the grumpiest mood.  Get out for a walk or call up a playmate.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip:  None of these solutions will do any good if you’re dealing with a hungry or tired child.  If the whining has reached its peak, take a minute to think back on the day and you may find that this morning’s exhausting soccer game or an unfinished breakfast might be the root of the problem.  An early bedtime or a little blood sugar boost might be just what the doctor ordered.

So we’ve made it to February, which is usually the time when folks have either fallen off the New Year’s resolution wagon or take a step back to assess how they are doing.

I am happy to report that I am doing great! OK, it might have something to do with the fact that I don’t really do resolutions. My theory is that I suffer enough. So, while I’m raising small kiddos, I get a resolution “free pass”. Do we mamas really need extra stress and self induced pressure?

I get that everyone wants to be healthy and lose a few pounds. I’ve got a postcard on our fridge that has an illustration of a goddess woman, with the words “Can you pinch an inch? Do you give a shit?” It’s just a reminder that maybe mamas need to cut ourselves a bit of slack – a few pounds and an extra inch or two is a small price to pay for getting to grow humans in our bodies.

Rather than putting pressure on myself this year, I am relieving myself of it. I have two examples:

1) My photo dilemma: I had five years worth of unprinted photos hanging around my neck like an albatross. I finally admitted that there was no time in the foreseeable future that I could dedicate to this project, and it was only getting bigger with each photo taken. A quick Facebook status update asking if anyone was up for a project put an end to my photo woes. Project has now been completely outsourced. The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribable.

2) The next outsource came in the shape of a teenaged homework helper who has a 95% average in French Immersion. My son’s FI was causing me an incredible amount of stress. My lack of French rendered me useless – throw in the fact that I don’t really get Gr. 5 Science either and I was a complete waste of space. Now, three times a week my angel teenager relieves me of that aggravation. My son does well on his homework, understands the material and I am no longer pulling my hair out every evening.

Outsourcing these little projects certainly ends up costing a mama a few bucks, but I am a strong believer that at whatever cost, you can’t put a price on mama’s sanity!