I’m always mortified when we go out in public and my child throws a temper tantrum. How can I avoid these embarrassing situations without hiring a babysitter every time I need to go shopping?

When I was working as a nanny I have to admit the public meltdowns never really fazed me. I would calmly do my thing but if the tantrum continued, so be it– I wouldn’t give in. I often wondered if I would feel differently when I had my own kids. Suddenly I’m standing in the middle of the book store with this little creature who has thrown himself to the ground sobbing for injustice everywhere—and he belongs to me. Fortunately I haven’t found myself reaching for the dark sunglasses and wig just yet. Here are a few suggestions for managing public temper tantrums and the embarrassment that goes with them.

Keep your cool: The only sound that reverberates louder than a child screaming in a toy store is the mother who is yelling at her to “be quiet.” Keep your response calm. After all, a 4-year-old’s tantrum is not that interesting to listen to, but a frazzled mama who is at her wit’s end is going to draw a much bigger crowd. You won’t always be able to avoid a tantrum but your audience will be impressed if you are able to keep a level head in spite of it.

 Play fair: Imagine if you were in the bookstore reading the back cover of a novel and suddenly you’re dragged out of the store by your arm mid-sentence. Give your child the same courtesy you would expect for yourself. If she’s playing nicely when it’s time to leave the store/park/playdate, give her a warning. I find a 2-minute warning followed by a “One last turn (on the slide etc.) before we go” usually give us the smoothest transition.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: I’m all for a bit of bribery in the right situation but if you set out with “If you behave I’ll give you…..” then everyone’s going to be disappointed when the trip is a bust, including you. Instead, wait for a successful outing and end it with ‘I’d like to take you for an ice cream because you did such a wonderful job waiting patiently in the shop this morning without making any fuss!’ An unexpected reward will make a longer lasting impression because she will be delighted to have made you so proud rather than expecting a treat in exchange for good behaviour.

I’m having a hard time getting my child to eat much variety.  And fruits and veggies? Forget it!  What can I do about my picky eater?

Every mama, whether she’s a polar bear or a sparrow, shares one instinct—we all want to feed our babies.  So it can be incredibly frustrating and stressful when our little people refuse to eat.  While we can’t force them to eat, take heart in the fact that a normal healthy child will not allow himself to starve and try a few ideas to encourage a wider variety at mealtimes.

Don’t be a short order cook:  Ever notice how one day your child can scarf down a whole plate of lasagna and then three days later that same lasagna has been hurled onto the kitchen floor?  It’s not that little Bobby has suddenly developed an aversion to it–he’s just thinking ‘I’m not in the mood for lasagna, what else ya got?’   So what’s a mama to do?  Well, think back to that polar bear.  You can bet that she’s not going to nip out to the local Dairy Queen for ice cream if her baby decides he doesn’t like fish anymore.  Stick with what’s on the menu so the kiddies don’t think they can get away with holding out for their favourites. 

Go for the instant replay:  I confess that I’m not determined enough to bring out last night’s untouched dinner for today’s breakfast, but don’t hesitate to retry foods at the next meal.  If lunch was a no-go, don’t feel you need to serve their favourites for dinner in order to make up for the missed meal.  Take advantage of the fact that they’ll be less picky if they’re really hungry.

They don’t need much:  We’ve all seen children eat 3 slices of pizza and a piece of cake in one sitting but it doesn’t mean they require that much food.  The amount of food a small child needs is actually surprisingly small, so even if he only has a few bites of a new or less favoured food, consider it a success.

Get creative:  Figure out where/when they’re most likely to eat healthy foods.  Maybe they happily clean their plates if you’re at a friend’s house.  My 2-year-old will try anything so long as he’s standing on a chair at the kitchen counter ‘helping’ me cook.  When the environment is more fun, they’re less likely to start a power struggle.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Prepare meals in small freezable servings (mini-muffin tins are perfect) so you can easily introduce new foods on a regular basis without the hassle of making it from scratch each time and the frustration of throwing out large uneaten portions.

I can’t stand the whining!  Sometimes it feels like my child is whining all day, every day.  What can I do to discourage it and get her to communicate nicely?

It’s a sound a parent could identify anywhere…the dreaded whining of a grumpy kiddo.  And is it just me or is it that much more difficult to listen to when we’re cooped up inside on cold winter months? 

You may have a child who can be jollied out of their whiny moods with mama making jokes or even echoing the whine so they can giggle about how silly it sounds.  Not my boy.  Around here, whining quickly turns into wailing if he feels I’m not taking him seriously.  So what can we do to keep the tone cheerful?

Respect the problem:  More often than not, your little one is whining because something is wrong.  It doesn’t mean you can fix it (“Yes, you still have to make your bed.”  “No you may not have cookies for dinner.”), but you can still show your child that you understand their feelings.  Validate their emotions with comments like “I understand that you don’t want to tidy up the playroom but someone might trip and get hurt if there are toys all over the floor.”  Your child will appreciate it if they feel like they’re being heard.

Ignore it: Once you’ve acknowledged their reasons for being upset, you’re free to ignore the whining that continues.  Don’t forget though, younger ones will need reminders to switch to a more cheerful tone. (“Use your words please.”  “Can you ask me in a friendly voice?”)

Distract them:  Nothing has me knocking on the neighbour’s door begging for a playdate faster than a toddler who woke up on the wrong side of bed.  A change of scenery and some new faces can help perk up even the grumpiest mood.  Get out for a walk or call up a playmate.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip:  None of these solutions will do any good if you’re dealing with a hungry or tired child.  If the whining has reached its peak, take a minute to think back on the day and you may find that this morning’s exhausting soccer game or an unfinished breakfast might be the root of the problem.  An early bedtime or a little blood sugar boost might be just what the doctor ordered.

Q. Bedtime is chaos in our house. My kids are always getting out of bed and it’s usually 10 o’clock before they’re asleep. I’m exhausted! What can I do to get them to go to bed and stay there?

There’s a reason all the good TV shows are on at 8 and 9 o’clock! With the children nestled all snug in their beds, that’s supposed to be mama’s time to sit down and relax (or do laundry, make lunches…a mama’s work is never done after all). It’s time to reclaim your evening, for your sake as much as the kids’.

1) Pick a bedtime: Children need sleep. Some parents will argue that their children operate just fine in spite of an 11 o’clock bedtime, but in reality their little brains and bodies need time to recharge and grow. Bedtime should be between 7 and 8pm. (Some kids need to go to bed earlier if they’re starting to phase out naps).

2) Keep wake up times the same: Tempting as it is to enjoy your coffee in peace on Saturday morning while the kiddos sleep in, it is best to keep a consistent wake up time.

3) Bedtime routine: People think I’m crazy when I say ‘time for bed’ and my son is still bouncing off the walls looking wide awake. But five minutes into our bedtime routine and he’s curled up on my lap with his blanket and rubbing his eyes. Whether it’s bath time, stories or lullabies, your kids will learn that these things mean ’sleep’ and will start to wind down.

4) Playtime is over: After a nice bedtime and everyone is tucked in, the fun stops. You’ve said your “goodnights” and “I love you’s”, now you mean business. If they’re climbing out of bed, go in and put them back to bed with only a “Stay in your bed, please” and then leave the room. Sure you may have to do it 50 times the first few nights, but consistency is key and they’ll soon get bored if they know you’re really serious and they aren’t going to be able to squeeze another story or glass of water out of you.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip:
For the little ones: Starting very young, have a certain song that you play just for bath or bed time. They’ll learn to associate the song with winding down at the end of the day.

For the bigger kids: After bedtime routine, start letting your child have some time to read quietly in bed by themselves. It will start training them to wind down independently and give them a sense of pride in being able to stay up later than their younger siblings.

Child care expert Nanny Carrie shares from her bottomless bag of tips and tricks every two weeks here in The Mabelhood. Want advice from a professional nanny? Send your child related questions to blog@mabel.ca

Q – I feel like I’m always nagging at my toddler and saying “NO” all the time. Anything I can do to avoid feeling like a nag?

If you’re finding yourself in a vicious cycle of a toddler who is getting into mischief every 2 minutes, they’re often bored and trying to get your attention to help them find something to do.  Try not to see it as a deliberate ploy to drive mama crazy.  When adults are bored, we doodle on paper, surf the internet, check for split ends, etc.  Your toddler is probably just looking for a way to entertain himself.

There are two ways to manage the situation and keep the “no’s” to a minimum.  You’ll probably find you need to use both depending on the situation.

1) Set them up for success.  It’s not fair to take a 2 year old into a doctor’s office and expect him to quietly read a magazine for 45 minutes.  If you don’t provide something for him to do, he’s going to make his own fun. 

For the little guys: Bring special toys, colouring (stickers are great because they’re less messy), and snacks are always a hit.  Go for a low maintenance snack like bite-size crackers or cereal puffs.  (Scraping muffin crumbs out of the carpet does not make a mama’s life easier!) Try to create an environment so that their activity is something positive and then be sure to load up on the praise for doing a good job.

For bigger kids: Save the electronics for special occasions.  You’ll be surprised how quickly a child can grow to love waiting rooms if it means they get to bust out the video games!  For the less technologically inclined, comic books and magazines for kids are a good bet.  (Steer clear of toys with small pieces and anything that will have you scrambling under chairs for escaped dinky cars and Legos).

2) Cut your losses.  Sometimes you need to get something done and you just can’t arrange an activity to keep your little one out of trouble.  So let him wreak a bit of havoc (obviously ensuring it’s not dangerous or too destructive).  In my house, sometimes that means letting my little guy dust the bathroom cupboard with my makeup brushes or empty ice cube trays into the sink.  They’re not the best activities but it means I can keep the negativity to a minimum while he is safely occupied. 

When you do find you need to redirect your toddler, try using phrases like “uh uh uh”  or “don’t touch please” rather than “no.”  You can use these phrases for minor misbehaviours and save the firm “no’s” for occasions when they really count (running across the street, turning the dials on the stove etc.) and you can follow through with your request.  Then as they get older you can call out “no” with one hand on the phone and one hand making lasagna and they’ll know you still mean business!

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Keep a ‘busy bag’ filled with fun activities in your car/purse/diaper bag so you’ll always be prepared with something cool to occupy your little one whenever an unforeseen errand/appointment crops up.