My 9-year-old often comes up to me whining that he’s “bored.”  Even if we’ve had a busy morning packed with activities, sometimes we’re barely home half an hour before I hear those dreaded words!  Does he need more activities?  Or should he be able to figure out how to entertain himself?

You know your child best.  Some children thrive with a packed activity schedule, others can easily amuse themselves with a book or a game for an hour at a time.  As a kid, I always remember my little sister waking my parents at 6:00am every Saturday saying “What are we doing today?” which, loosely translated, meant “I need a project, and I need one NOW!”  Still, even the most packed schedule requires some downtime and kids need to learn how to find their own amusement.

Pencil in family time: Before sending the kiddies off to fend for themselves, make sure you’ve factored in some family fun.  Game nights, movie nights, and family bike rides are a few ways for the kids to know they’ve got a fun ‘date’ with mom or dad’s undivided attention to look forward to.

Find a pattern: When does he complain of boredom the most?  A rainy day? Vacation time? When the siblings are at school?  Sometimes a dull afternoon is unavoidable, but if you see a pattern forming, try and modify the schedule to fill the worst boredom hours with some planned activities.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Fill a jar with activities (board game, drawing, craft, etc.) written on slips of paper for the kids to draw from whenever you hear those two dreaded words.  Better still, (or if the complaining gets unbearable!), make it a chore jar.  You’ll be surprised how quickly your kiddos can scurry off and occupy themselves if the alternative is taking out the garbage!

This week I was mulling over some possible questions for the blog, some good suggestions and tips from experiences I’ve had or days when I’ve really had it together….

…until today, when I took my kids out for lunch.

Suddenly, I was THAT mom. (We`ve all been there, fess up!) The one who gets the exasperated glare from the surfer guy who just wants to order his organic salmon in peace, or the pitying smirk from the pregnant woman who rubs her belly thinking “I’ll never let MY child behave like that in public.” So I stood there, babe in one arm, toddler throwing himself to the floor in a fit of low blood sugar and exhaustion, and a fine sweat forming on my brow, and took stock of my options.

1) The old “That’s it! We`re going home!” Not today. Home was 30 minutes away, my 2 year old was famished and the baby was due for a feed.
2) Time out? No dice. Having foolishly left the stroller in the car, I was already out of free hands and my boy was not about to sit quietly on a chair by himself to contemplate his wrongdoings.
3) Pray for a sinkhole to swallow me up? Quite possibly…

So what can I suggest this week? When the wheels fall off, (and I have a dozen or so witnesses who can attest to the fact that they most certainly did)–laugh it off. Smile at surfer guy, because he clearly doesn`t get it and probably never will. And smile at the pregnant mama, because in a couple of years, she’ll be that mom too!

My 6-year-old has started giving me attitude. The back talk and eye rolling is driving me nuts. I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this until the teen years! What can I do to discourage it?

You spend months waiting for that precious first word…and even with the first few sassy comments from your toddler you’re still marvelling at her ingenuity. But fast forward five years and suddenly she’s getting all too comfortable with the cheeky talk! Now it’s time to re-establish ground rules for respect.

Model: You may not think the kids are paying attention to the boring adult conversation going on around them, but their little ears are always open. When the kiddies are in the room (or eavesdropping at the top of the stairs!) make a conscious effort to speak to, and about, other adults with courtesy. More importantly, be respectful when talking to your child. Aside from helping to strengthen your relationship, it also teaches them that the rules apply to everybody.

Teach them to know their audience: Little boys are going to giggle about toilet talk, and teens are probably going to drop the odd curse word, but be firm in establishing that the way we talk to our peers is not the same way we talk to our ‘elders.’ It sounds a bit stuffy and formal, but even as adults we all have certain friends/family members for whom we bring out our best behaviour.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Charity begins at home right? Maybe not. If you’ve been busting yourself to try and set the right example and discourage sassy talk to what seems like no avail, don’t despair. Find out how things are going when they’re away from you. If they are able to pull out nice manners when they go to a friend’s for dinner, with grandparents, at school, then you’re probably on the right track.

When’s the best time to start toilet training with my toddler? How do I know if he’s ready?

Call it potty training, toilet learning or elimination communication, it all means the same thing—no more late night runs to the drugstore to buy diapers. But when? And how?

Ignore the masses: Don’t worry about the ‘right age’ for toileting. If their communication skills are good enough to understand basic instructions give it a go. Don’t feel badly if you have to put it off for a while. Busy holiday seasons or the arrival of new siblings are reason enough to keep the diaper bag stocked for a bit longer. Even waiting until the summer where there are fewer layers of clothing to deal with is sometimes a good bet. There’s no magic window of opportunity.

Commit: You don’t necessarily have to wait for your child to show interest. If you have a particularly active child, sitting still on the potty may not be something he’ll voluntarily choose to do if there is nothing in it for him. Load up on rewards and goodies, give yourself permission to bribe shamelessly with chocolate, and set aside a few days at home to go cold turkey. If it’s not going as you hoped after the first day or two, try again in a few weeks.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Kids learn by example. And it is way more fun listening to other kids than listening to boring old mom. Hook up with some older friends who will be proud to show off their skills. Even better, when younger playmates are around, your child will have a chance to shine too. My little guy always had a built in cheerleading section at playgroups –nothing like a round of Smarties for the house to get all the other toddlers shouting ‘Go pee!!!’

Nanny Carrie needs some feedback! We’ve covered a lot of toddler issues. Do you have questions about your school aged kids or tweens? Post ‘em here!

There is a lot of conflicting advice about ‘time-outs.’ At what age should I start using them and how can I make them effective?

Start young: The trouble with one-year-olds is that you really don’t have much leverage. You can’t bump up his curfew or unplug his phone, and if you take a toy away from him, he will probably forget about it entirely. At this age, time-outs are a perfect way for mom to express displeasure with certain behaviours. Do you have a baby who likes testing out new teeth on your shoulder? Sit him down on the floor for 30 seconds whenever he bites and he’ll soon learn that he doesn’t get to hang out with you if he keeps it up.

Give warnings: By about age 2 most kids can begin to understand the ‘1-2-3’ warnings, and it is only fair to give them a heads up that you are not impressed with their behaviour. Use your judgement though—if your child bites his sister or runs out into the street, don’t let him do it two more times before imposing a consequence. Certain behaviours get a one-way ticket to time-out…do not pass ‘Go,’ do not collect $200.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: I tend to be a bit wary of the idea of the ‘time-in’ but if your child is having a rough day and you’re starting to notice a wear in the carpet from his beaten path to and from the time-out spot, you may need a little time together to get things sorted out. Kids in meltdown mode may need a little help getting back on track, so offer him the choice between chilling out by himself or cuddling with you on the couch. You may find that the latter helps everyone calm down more quickly.

I have a busy toddler and a 9-month-old baby who always wants to be held. It’s getting harder to keep the little one happy when I have to attend to my 2-year-old. How can I juggle the two of them without someone always being upset?

We all knew to expect a demanding newborn when we signed up for baby #2, but what happens when that sleepy 8 pound bundle turns into 20 pounds of wiggly baby who wants to take up permanent residence sitting on your hip? Here are a few suggestions for keeping the little guy happy when you need a free set of hands.

Give him your full attention: When you are busy chasing after a toddler, your baby may want to be held because it’s the next best thing to your undivided attention. He’s happy to tag along, and you’re able to get lunches made and laundry folded. Instead, try setting aside opportunities during the day for one-on-one playtime with your baby. By fitting quality time together into your day, you can feel less badly about the times when you can’t be holding him.

Start small: Begin with short stretches of independent playtime when things are calm. Of course, there will be times where you have to hastily plunk him into the playpen and leave him to fuss while you sort out potty training and temper tantrums , but that’s just the plight of the second born! If you can start giving him short stretches of time on his play mat when things are relaxed, it will be easier to create a positive experience because it becomes a chosen activity and not something you have to do before your toddler starts colouring on the dining room wall.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: If the little one is crying to be held, distract him with a toy or game to get him smiling again before picking him up. You won’t be reacting directly to his fussing, and he’ll learn to not always associate complaining with getting what he wants (good practice for the whining phase!)

My child gets so possessive of his toys when we’re around other kids. How much should I be encouraging him to share?

Whether they’re around siblings, daycare buddies or just the occasional trip to the park, suddenly your little one is wising up to the fact that it’s time to start staking out his territory. Even the abandoned dump truck he rarely plays with starts to look a lot more appealing as soon as another child picks it up. After all, the grass is always greener in somebody else’s playpen!

Move off your home turf: If you often have kids over for playdates, try and balance it out a bit by getting out to friends’ houses. Your child will feel less resentful of having to give up his favourite toys if he gets a chance to play with somebody else’s for a change.

Look on the bright side: It can be tough for a toddler to see any of the merits of giving up their toys. Say something like: “Look how happy you’ve made your friend by sharing? See how happy he is?” Focus the attention away from their disappointment and encourage your child to feel proud of his part in the positive outcome.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Let them have their favourite toys/security objects that are off limits to friends and siblings. But if they start claiming that every toy in the playroom is their most prized possession then make a rule: ‘Either keep it up in your room, or hold onto it, but if it’s lying around on the floor, it’s fair game.’

I can’t leave my son to play on his own for 5 minutes. What can I do about his need for constant attention?

There is so much pressure on parents to provide constant stimulation for kids. Flashcards, educational games, math camp, art lessons, physics for preschoolers, the list goes on. But let’s not forget a very valuable skill we can teach our kids: the ability to keep themselves amused (not to mention a few minutes for mom to brush her teeth in peace!)

1) Be realistic: The goal is not to leave little Billy down in the basement with his LEGO ® while mom naps for a couple of hours. The younger the child, the shorter the time span for independent play; 5-20 minutes is reasonable.

2) Turn off the tube: There’s no question TV can be a convenient way to keep kids occupied, but they still need to learn to play independently without all that external stimulus. Try turning on a favourite CD during playtime instead.

3) Start small: Hang out in the next room for a few minutes at a time (throwing in a load of laundry, putting away groceries) where your child can see you but not interact. Always praise them on your return for having played on their own (even in the beginning when they’re more likely just to stand at the baby gate calling your name!).

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: For the little ones, use dwindling naptimes to practice independent play. This works especially well if your toddler is still in a crib. Toss in a few toys and have designated ‘quiet playtime.’

My 2-year-old has started hitting when he gets frustrated. It’s getting embarrassing when we go out to play with friends! How can I discourage him from reacting with aggression?

One day you have an angelic little baby who can do no wrong….the next day you’re scouring the shelves at Home Depot looking for hard hats to hand out at playdates. Here are a few suggestions for working through aggressive behaviour.

Keep a close watch: We’ve all sat watching our little one minding their own business in the children’s library when another child comes running up and thumps him on the head, and mom is no where to be found. Hey, it happens. You can’t always catch them in time to prevent it, but if you don’t see it happen, you can’t correct it. If you’re having challenges with aggression, plan to stay nearby for a while so you can enforce a zero tolerance policy.

Punch a pillow? I don’t think so: This is a common suggestion. “You can’t hit your friends but if you’re mad you can hit your pillow.” Personally I don’t follow this rule with kids. When adults need to be physically aggressive to let out frustration they get a one way ticket to anger management class. Seize the opportunity to teach them a lesson in self control and help them to find other ways to handle angry emotions.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Tackle one problem at a time. If your toddler is shouting and yelling ‘No’ when he’s battling it out with a playmate–praise him. Emphasize how happy you are that he chose to use his words to express frustration. There’s time to work on manners later, but let him know you’re proud that he kept his hands to himself.

The fighting never ends around here! If I hear my 7-year-old shout “Moooooooom he’s bugging me!” one more time I’m going to tear my hair out! How can I get them to live together in peace?

It’s amazing how children living under the same roof can be each other’s very best playmate or very worst enemy, and the roles can change on a minute by minute basis! Most of us can remember it well from our own childhood: “She took my bike!” “He drew in my colouring book!” “She pulled my hair!” (Sis, if you’re reading this…I’m apologizing again!)

Alas, I don’t have a magic solution to make it stop for good, but I do have a few suggestions to help you manage the bickering constructively.

Ignore: Unless there’s blood, try to ignore some of the day-to-day sibling squabbles and let them sort it out for themselves. They’re stuck with each other for years to come so if mama is always playing referee, not only is she going to drive herself crazy, but the kiddies won’t have an opportunity to establish the ground rules that work for them.

Beware of the bully: Depending on your family dynamics, your quiet older child may be continuously terrorized by the younger members, or you may have a bossy first-born and a baby who idolizes him. If you see a pattern where one child is doling out a lot more grief than the rest, you may need to step in. These dynamics may be tolerated at home but they won’t fly with peers. Encourage your children to practice social skills that will set them up for good peer relationships.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Choose a family catch phrase for when the kids have had enough. Whenever one child says “I’m serious” the other sibling must back off. It applies for all hair pulling/poking/tickling/general annoyances. (Bear in mind it may get overused for the first little while, but once the novelty wears off they’ll realize it’s not much fun to rain on the parade and only use when they’ve really had enough.)

What tricks have you come up with to manage sibling battles in your house?