My boy and his best buddy. They’ve just learned how to ‘tell on’ each other and have been practicing—a lot!

My kids are always tattling on one another.  Even the youngest one has started giving me a play by play of their disagreements.  Should I intervene?  Or should I be letting them figure it out on their own?

The parallel play phase seems to end right around the time that verbal skills are really taking off.  And as they start interacting with other kids, whether they’re playing with siblings or with friends, at some point, inevitably somebody is going to get upset.  Then they have two choices, get into an argument with their playmate, or report it to the authorities.  And you, mama, are the sergeant on duty.

1) “What are you going to do about it?” I’ll never forget my 6th grade teacher.  This was her tagline.  Whatever issue you brought to her—problems with a classmate, a forgotten dayplanner or lost assignment, she’d look at you with a deadpan expression and say “What are you going to do about it?”  At the time it seemed harsh, but the theory was a good one.  Kids have more problem-solving skills than they realize, and sometimes they just need a grown-up to make them stop and work through the issue on their own.  Try putting the ball in their court with questions like “What do you think you should say to your friend?” and “How can you guys fix this so that you can keep playing together?”

2) Let them sort it out—the supervised way. If you say “I don’t want to hear it!  Go figure it out yourselves!” she may get discouraged and feel un-heard when she comes to you with a problem.  Instead of stone-walling (which can be tempting after the millionth “He’s in my room!” “She touched my arm!”) let her know that you will keep an ear out in case the problem gets too big, but that you trust her to figure out the smaller issues without a grown-up having to come in and interrupt the fun.

Nanny Carrie Wants to Know:  How do you manage ‘tattling’ in your house?  Is it mostly among siblings or with friends?  Do you handle them differently?

I’m wondering what kinds of things I can do with my 4-month-old?  Now that we’re moving past the stage where she’s sleeping all the time, I’m looking for some suggestions for how to entertain her.

The early days with an infant can be so hectic, when a quiet moment rolls around, it can be tough to know how to use it!  When they’re too young to build block towers and have tea parties you still want to engage them—yet it feels like you’ve played “peek-a-boo” a hundred times this week already!

Keep talking:  If you need to get things done around the house, talk to your baby about what you’re doing.  Whether you’re folding laundry or making dinner, (“blue socks,” “two onions”) the beauty of their fresh little minds is that everything is a learning experience.

Little routines: Every day doesn’t have to include an elaborate circle time and music lesson.  Make a habit of singing nursery rhymes during diaper changes and reading books before bed.  For moms and dads who work outside the home, tell baby about your day at the office.  Years from now, when the teen years hit, you’ll look back with nostalgia on your little pyjama-clad captive audience!

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Pack away the board books and kiddie series for later and opt for a few pages of your favourite books each day instead.  Your little one will just enjoy listening to you, and you get to take a stroll down memory lane with your own childhood classics (or work your way through the bestseller list!).

My 9-year-old often comes up to me whining that he’s “bored.”  Even if we’ve had a busy morning packed with activities, sometimes we’re barely home half an hour before I hear those dreaded words!  Does he need more activities?  Or should he be able to figure out how to entertain himself?

You know your child best.  Some children thrive with a packed activity schedule, others can easily amuse themselves with a book or a game for an hour at a time.  As a kid, I always remember my little sister waking my parents at 6:00am every Saturday saying “What are we doing today?” which, loosely translated, meant “I need a project, and I need one NOW!”  Still, even the most packed schedule requires some downtime and kids need to learn how to find their own amusement.

Pencil in family time: Before sending the kiddies off to fend for themselves, make sure you’ve factored in some family fun.  Game nights, movie nights, and family bike rides are a few ways for the kids to know they’ve got a fun ‘date’ with mom or dad’s undivided attention to look forward to.

Find a pattern: When does he complain of boredom the most?  A rainy day? Vacation time? When the siblings are at school?  Sometimes a dull afternoon is unavoidable, but if you see a pattern forming, try and modify the schedule to fill the worst boredom hours with some planned activities.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Fill a jar with activities (board game, drawing, craft, etc.) written on slips of paper for the kids to draw from whenever you hear those two dreaded words.  Better still, (or if the complaining gets unbearable!), make it a chore jar.  You’ll be surprised how quickly your kiddos can scurry off and occupy themselves if the alternative is taking out the garbage!

This week I was mulling over some possible questions for the blog, some good suggestions and tips from experiences I’ve had or days when I’ve really had it together….

…until today, when I took my kids out for lunch.

Suddenly, I was THAT mom. (We`ve all been there, fess up!) The one who gets the exasperated glare from the surfer guy who just wants to order his organic salmon in peace, or the pitying smirk from the pregnant woman who rubs her belly thinking “I’ll never let MY child behave like that in public.” So I stood there, babe in one arm, toddler throwing himself to the floor in a fit of low blood sugar and exhaustion, and a fine sweat forming on my brow, and took stock of my options.

1) The old “That’s it! We`re going home!” Not today. Home was 30 minutes away, my 2 year old was famished and the baby was due for a feed.
2) Time out? No dice. Having foolishly left the stroller in the car, I was already out of free hands and my boy was not about to sit quietly on a chair by himself to contemplate his wrongdoings.
3) Pray for a sinkhole to swallow me up? Quite possibly…

So what can I suggest this week? When the wheels fall off, (and I have a dozen or so witnesses who can attest to the fact that they most certainly did)–laugh it off. Smile at surfer guy, because he clearly doesn`t get it and probably never will. And smile at the pregnant mama, because in a couple of years, she’ll be that mom too!

My 6-year-old has started giving me attitude. The back talk and eye rolling is driving me nuts. I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this until the teen years! What can I do to discourage it?

You spend months waiting for that precious first word…and even with the first few sassy comments from your toddler you’re still marvelling at her ingenuity. But fast forward five years and suddenly she’s getting all too comfortable with the cheeky talk! Now it’s time to re-establish ground rules for respect.

Model: You may not think the kids are paying attention to the boring adult conversation going on around them, but their little ears are always open. When the kiddies are in the room (or eavesdropping at the top of the stairs!) make a conscious effort to speak to, and about, other adults with courtesy. More importantly, be respectful when talking to your child. Aside from helping to strengthen your relationship, it also teaches them that the rules apply to everybody.

Teach them to know their audience: Little boys are going to giggle about toilet talk, and teens are probably going to drop the odd curse word, but be firm in establishing that the way we talk to our peers is not the same way we talk to our ‘elders.’ It sounds a bit stuffy and formal, but even as adults we all have certain friends/family members for whom we bring out our best behaviour.

Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Charity begins at home right? Maybe not. If you’ve been busting yourself to try and set the right example and discourage sassy talk to what seems like no avail, don’t despair. Find out how things are going when they’re away from you. If they are able to pull out nice manners when they go to a friend’s for dinner, with grandparents, at school, then you’re probably on the right track.