I sat down to write a nice blog about Daddy-o, because really, he is a fantastic father. But it’s not really my style to write a mushy post about how fabulous he is, so instead I thought I’d talk about how he almost broke the baby this week.
Daddy-o came home from work the other day and joined us all in the backyard. I went inside and started puttering around when suddenly I heard the panicked words of Daddy-o: “oh man….don’t move buddy, just stay right there.” I looked out the window to see my 13-month-old teetering half way up the wooden deck steps looking like he was about to take a step down. Daddy-o was running, but it was too late. Through the window, as if in slow motion, I watched my baby fall down the steps onto the cement patio.
Two initial reactions:
1) I was sick about the big bump on our baby’s head.
2) I was annoyed that Daddy-o thought it was somehow OK to take his eyes off our busy 13-month-old for even a second.
I have a friend who is married to an “absent-minded professor” type. You know how sometimes you’ll put your coffee on the roof of the car while you get in, and then drive away forgetting all about it? When my friend was expecting her first baby, it occurred to her that it would be entirely within the realm of possibility for her husband to do that with a baby in a bucket car seat. She sat her husband down and told him that if he was careless and it resulted in an injured baby, she would never, ever forgive him. She felt bad threatening him with their marriage before the baby was even born, but his absent-mindedness knew no limits. It worked – they have four kids who have survived babyhood.
Daddy-o claims he was just a bit rusty – it has been a couple of years since we had a tippy toddler. It’s easy to forget how quickly they move and we all know that these falls can happen right under our noses. But clearly, he took his eyes of the baby long enough for baby to get across the yard and up the steps. So what is a mama to do? We don’t want to nag our husbands about their supervision skills, but we need to have confidence that our kids are safe.
What is your experience? Does the Daddy-o around your house have good instincts or are you always a little nervous when he’s alone with the kiddos? Have you effectively communicated your concerns, or does he feel like you’re a nag?
In short, do you trust your husband with your babies?
RSS
I’m definitely improving at letting Dad do his own thing without watching over him so closely. My first time away from our son was when I was in hospital having the second, and when a little health scare landed us 9 days in hospital i was forced to hand over the reigns and let him run the ship. I was amazed how smoothly everything went and how he remembered things I wouldn’t have thought he’d think of.
As for breaking the baby…Grandpa bonked the head of our first born at 3 months on a dangling kitchen light when lifting him up too high. And you know how he is with kids!! You should have seen him…went white as a sheet. I always joke that he was the best person to do give my kid his first injury because at that point I was still such an antsy first time mom that I would have probably gone the ‘never forgive’ route with Daddy or myself if we’d been the ones to do it!
Carrie – your poor Dad! But you make a good point, I think we are more forgiving of other people than we are of ourselves and the dads.
In answer to your question, yes I do trust my husband with my children. Honestly, if I didn’t trust him with our
children, we wouldn’t have had a second. That being said, we do have different parenting styles but my husband knows what is negotiable(junk vs healthy, etc…) and what is not(carseats, constant supervision in public, etc…).
I think we have to be careful about casting stones when we may just be living in glass houses. Everyone makes mistakes. I bet he felt worse than you can imagine.
Anne – absolutely – like I say in the post, this stuff happens right under our noses all the time. We have to be careful, which is why I ask the question – are you a nag? How do you manage issues around supervision?
Funny week to ask since Alex left baby on a bed yesterday after changing her and she fell onto the ceramic tile floor! He’s normally excellent at supervising the kids, and puts up with my reminders as he knows it’s just something I have to do to feel I’ve done my job. It works… and fortunately there was no harm done to Rachel!
Poor Rachie and Alex. Glad she’s OK – honestly, it’s a good thing kids are made of rubber
It’s funny how we do feel like we have to give those reminders. When I leave the house and the kids are in the pool I always say “now you’re going to watch them constantly, right?” and of course he is, but it’s like a little ocd thing….if I don’t say it, I won’t relax.
It’s not so much about them getting broken in our house, it’s more about them missing school/ruining dressy outfits/forgetting their schedule/letting them ice cream for dinner behavior. But I’m trying to get over it.
I’m glad your little one was okay!
Hi Julie! I would like to make it clear that did not mean the post about glass houses to be a put down. I do want to point out the importance of forgiveness in situations like this.
Kids being kids are going to get hurt. Certainly we should do what we can to prevent that from happening. But someday it will happen. Every parent has dropped the ball at one time or another.
I for instance slammed my 2 year’s fingers in a door. It’s quite possible the pain that shot through my heart the moment it happened hurt me more than the door hurt him.
When that same child was 14 my husband actually bashed his mouth in. They were body surfing next to each other and my husband’s elbow connected with our son’s beautiful smile. He has managed to keep his two front teeth… for now. He did require 2 root canals and there will be more work to come. They are a dull gray color now.
Thankfully neither incident was more serious, though that body surfing incident could have been.
When incidents like this happen any normal parent involved feels guilt. But you can’t let that guilt consume you or you could end up becoming an over cautious, controlling parent and spouse. I don’t think that makes for a happy family.
That’s why I say Learn, Forgive, More Forward.
This is an interesting topic. Especially if you begin to wonder, what if my child dies because of a mistake my spouse makes. Could you forgive? Many marriages that experience such a loss break up. I find that sad. Just when the 2 parties involved need to support each other the most…
Anne – great comments! Thanks for clarifying – excellent points!
Seriously? This is your tribute to dads on Father’s Day? You know, your readership might not be 100% at-home moms.
Hey James – this wasn’t meant to be a father’s day tribute. We actually celebrate how awesome daddy-o is every day of the year at our house!
There have been some great comments by dads on Facebook and other places. I expect the dads to read and comment – some say they feel nagged, some say they don’t watch as carefully, some express that different parenting styles need to be embraced. All great stuff. This safety issue is one that causes a lot of conflict for parents – great to talk about, even though it’s not always easy.
Clearly not. If you celebrate dads every day of the year at your house, wouldn’t dad’s day be a good time to say something nice about him, instead of publically displaying his ineptitude? I’m just saying.
By “this safety issue” you mean that dads care less about the safety of their kids. While I know you’re trying to generate interesting discussion, to me, your starting with a sexist assumption and generalization.
I guess I’m just sensitive to that because as an at-home dad I see marketers doing this kind of thing all over the place.
Daddy-o was really comfortable with the post, otherwise it wouldn’t have been posted.
I’m actually just asking people what their experiences are and if they find that this stereo-type exists within their families and if so, how they deal with it.
Always a good lesson that what you write and how it can be interpreted can be two entirely different things. Ah well, can’t get it right every time
Thanks for your feedback James.
Isn’t it always easy to offend when you promote stereotypes?
Maybe it’s hard for someone in the labelling business to know where to stop?
hee, hee…good one. As for promoting a stereo-type? Nope, not biting.
I hear yah, Julie. It’s tough because it is a thin line (between being a nag and giving constant reminders to keep the knives away from the kiddos).
With my oldest, all of her major accidents (ie. falling down a flight of stairs on her first birthday and falling out of a shopping cart at almost two years) were when both my husband and I present. While it was horrible at the time, it was a quick reminder that things can happen in my presence as well. Both those accidents taught me that (while I would cringe leaving the house and wanting to bubble-wrap them when daddy was sitting) that all I could do was make sure that my cell was always on, that the bandaids were stocked up, and that 911 was on speed dial for him (grin).
I trust my husband 100% with my kids. That said, I still feel the need to remind him of things. However, I think it is more because these are things I am constantly worrying about…and there’s that good old Mommy guilt. Feeling like you have to be there and protect them ALL the time. So, if something happens while you’re out/away, it can sometimes be easier to place blame rather than feel guilty you weren’t there. I know that these things can (and have) happened when the kids are in my care. I’m not perfect.
Hi Julie! I would like to make it clear that did not mean the post about glass houses to be a put down. I do want to point out the importance of forgiveness in situations like this.
Kids being kids are going to get hurt. Certainly we should do what we can to prevent that from happening. But someday it will happen. Every parent has dropped the ball at one time or another.
I for instance slammed my 2 year’s fingers in a door. It’s quite possible the pain that shot through my heart the moment it happened hurt me more than the door hurt him.
When that same child was 14 my husband actually bashed his mouth in. They were body surfing next to each other and my husband’s elbow connected with our son’s beautiful smile. He has managed to keep his two front teeth… for now. He did require 2 root canals and there will be more work to come. They are a dull gray color now.
Thankfully neither incident was more serious, though that body surfing incident could have been.
When incidents like this happen any normal parent involved feels guilt. But you can’t let that guilt consume you or you could end up becoming an over cautious, controlling parent and spouse. I don’t think that makes for a happy family.
That’s why I say Learn, Forgive, More Forward.
This is an interesting topic. Especially if you begin to wonder, what if my child dies because of a mistake my spouse makes. Could you forgive? Many marriages that experience such a loss break up. I find that sad. Just when the 2 parties involved need to support each other the most…