My 2-year-old has started hitting when he gets frustrated. It’s getting embarrassing when we go out to play with friends! How can I discourage him from reacting with aggression?
One day you have an angelic little baby who can do no wrong….the next day you’re scouring the shelves at Home Depot looking for hard hats to hand out at playdates. Here are a few suggestions for working through aggressive behaviour.
Keep a close watch: We’ve all sat watching our little one minding their own business in the children’s library when another child comes running up and thumps him on the head, and mom is no where to be found. Hey, it happens. You can’t always catch them in time to prevent it, but if you don’t see it happen, you can’t correct it. If you’re having challenges with aggression, plan to stay nearby for a while so you can enforce a zero tolerance policy.
Punch a pillow? I don’t think so: This is a common suggestion. “You can’t hit your friends but if you’re mad you can hit your pillow.” Personally I don’t follow this rule with kids. When adults need to be physically aggressive to let out frustration they get a one way ticket to anger management class. Seize the opportunity to teach them a lesson in self control and help them to find other ways to handle angry emotions.
Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Tackle one problem at a time. If your toddler is shouting and yelling ‘No’ when he’s battling it out with a playmate–praise him. Emphasize how happy you are that he chose to use his words to express frustration. There’s time to work on manners later, but let him know you’re proud that he kept his hands to himself.
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I’m sooooo glad I’m not the only one with a hitting 2 year old! It is a very frustrating problem that I hope goes away soon!
I think sometimes there can be too much focus on correcting the negative than praising the positive. That can be frustrating for a child and I’m glad you pointed out that praise must be given when they let out anger in an unhealthy way. Thanks, Nanny Carrie!
When my boys were 2 and 8 I had the same problem with the younger getting frustrated with the older and wanting to hit. He hit his older brother hard enough to bruise him (my older son would never hit his little brother, he was/is gentle). I caught him in the act of this little temper fit one day and promptly put him in time out. I explained to him if could not use his hands for good, he would lose the use of his hands. I put socks on his hands, gently secured his hands behind his back with a belt, and sat him in a chair by himself for 15 minutes. After about three rounds of this he understood the concept of losing the use of his hands if he used them to hit. My sons are now 14 and 20, the very best of friends and never argue or fight with each other or anyone else. Set your standard high. Kids will rise to the challenge.