The fighting never ends around here! If I hear my 7-year-old shout “Moooooooom he’s bugging me!” one more time I’m going to tear my hair out! How can I get them to live together in peace?
It’s amazing how children living under the same roof can be each other’s very best playmate or very worst enemy, and the roles can change on a minute by minute basis! Most of us can remember it well from our own childhood: “She took my bike!” “He drew in my colouring book!” “She pulled my hair!” (Sis, if you’re reading this…I’m apologizing again!)
Alas, I don’t have a magic solution to make it stop for good, but I do have a few suggestions to help you manage the bickering constructively.
Ignore: Unless there’s blood, try to ignore some of the day-to-day sibling squabbles and let them sort it out for themselves. They’re stuck with each other for years to come so if mama is always playing referee, not only is she going to drive herself crazy, but the kiddies won’t have an opportunity to establish the ground rules that work for them.
Beware of the bully: Depending on your family dynamics, your quiet older child may be continuously terrorized by the younger members, or you may have a bossy first-born and a baby who idolizes him. If you see a pattern where one child is doling out a lot more grief than the rest, you may need to step in. These dynamics may be tolerated at home but they won’t fly with peers. Encourage your children to practice social skills that will set them up for good peer relationships.
Nanny Carrie’s Tip: Choose a family catch phrase for when the kids have had enough. Whenever one child says “I’m serious” the other sibling must back off. It applies for all hair pulling/poking/tickling/general annoyances. (Bear in mind it may get overused for the first little while, but once the novelty wears off they’ll realize it’s not much fun to rain on the parade and only use when they’ve really had enough.)
What tricks have you come up with to manage sibling battles in your house?
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ya know, the sibling squabbles really do drive me crazy. And it is nuts how they are all best buds and complete nags to each other all at the same time. Listening to the bickering is exhausting. They really need to themselves learn the power of the ignore. I have tried many strategies and some do work, but at the end of the day, it’s pretty normal sibling stuff (unfortunately). Maybe I should invest in some ear plugs.
I’ve used what you suggested with my older son since he could say, “stop.” Whenever tickling him or whatever, as soon as he asks me to stop, I do so. I am hoping this will be so ingrained in him that stop means STOP NOW that it will come automatically when the baby is old enough to play with him or, looking way into the future, when he has a girlfriend.
Right now the baby is only 8 months old so there’s not much negativity between them at all. We’re working on sharing as he recognizes his old baby toys when I pull them out for the baby to play with. I expected a lot more jealousy and other issues, but have been very blessed so far that my 4 year old absolutely adores his baby brother (and the feeling is mutual).
I’d like to take a moment to apologize to my mom and dad for all the wining as a little sister. It IS annoying, but at the time it feels like it’s the only way you’ll take us seriously! That’s a great tip to pick a family word that means you’re dead serious about being left alone. I’ll be using that!
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by mumby: Great post by Nanny Carrie – Kids fighting? RT @mabelhood Sibling Squabbles http://bit.ly/bACCZ4...
Nanny Carrie, clearly you are an intelligent young lady and a fantastic mother. However you did forget one tiny detail….that being the childhood memory of a foreign cousin stealing crystal quest….ahhhh…the persecutions of childhood!