I’m not always completely honest with my kids, and it is done in the best interests of all parties. It’s not like outright lying to them – more like faking it. These top the list:
1) I fake that I like food.
Don’t get me wrong – I like food, but not the way most people seem to. For example, I would never in a million years cook myself something to eat. You see, the work involved is not worth the result. I’m quite happy having a bowl of cereal for dinner. But, I feel like I have to be a good food role model for my kids. So, I may tell them that I had a soup and salad for lunch, when in reality it may have been a Kit Kat.
2) I fake that I was good at math in school.
When someone asks a math trivia question, I have an easy out. I just say I don’t know because I suck at math. It recently occurred to me that I don’t want my kids to hear me say that. Why? Because it’s an excuse not to try. Accepting how much I suck at math has somehow given me a free pass from having to do anything mathematical. I don’t want my kids thinking they can have free passes. Not yet. They don’t think they suck at anything and I’d like to keep it that way.
3) I fake that I think the Olympics are super exciting.
Other than some recent hockey excitement, I generally don’t get all that jazzed about the Olympics. My total watching time included only one period of one hockey game. Even if I was terribly interested in the Games, I’m not sure where I’d find the time to commit to watching them. I mistakenly told the kids they could stay up for the Opening Ceremony without knowing anything about the start time being a full hour after bedtime. Regardless, I mustered up some fake excitement, got out the craft supplies, dressed in the appropriate colours and cheered the kiddos on as they created a medal count chart and drew some flags to hang around the house. Certainly watching them get all excited helped out where I was lacking.
One day my kids will realize that they have a mother who will call chocolate lunch, is mathematically challenged and athletically uninspired. But that day does not have to be today. What are your dirty little mama secrets?
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I loved this post. Made me feel like it’s ok to “pretend” on some things for the greater good. My daughter is still too young to really get any of this, but there will definitely be a few things here and there I’m sure I’ll fake my way through. Currently it’s only been spiders so far – my skin starts crawling the moment a spider gets within 10 feet of me, but I try to act all calm, cool and collected because I don’t want her to be afraid. But inside I’m dying! Can’t wait to see what’s coming in the future : )
Dear Julie,
Thank you so much for saying this. I can always count on you to speak your mind and say what many of us are feeling and yet are afraid to say.
“I fake that I think the Olympics are super exciting”
For the past 17 days I have been feeling like a complete unpatriotic jerk. Everyone around is all Olympics all the time. Personally, I couldn’t find the time to watch (I’m REALLY busy all the time. I’m lucky if I get to catch Dragon’s Den on Wednesdays), I truly don’t understand all the sports and I really don’t like sports in general.
This left me feeling a little un-Canadian. WHICH I’M NOT! I love Canada. All of it. From the the geese, to the timmies, to the healthcare all the way to the to that fact that we invented the zipper. CANADA ROCKS.
After reading this post I don’t feel bad one bit. I only watched 15 min of that boys hockey game today. And I liked it. But that’s all I saw. I am still proud of our athletes. Proud of our golds. And really proud of the marketing, logos and clothing we produced for the Olympics (I’m in creative marketing after all).
I AM CANADIAN. Even though I didn’t watch the Olympics.
Thank you.
Chris
Chris – this is what I had to say two years ago….it may shed some more perspective on my olympic stuff for you. Thanks for your amazing comment….you are a GOOD canadian! xo
http://www.mabelhood.com/index.php/2008/08/the-olympics-nah-im-good-thanks/
My son is only 6 months old. So, I haven’t had to “fake” anything with him yet. Although, I have been putting on a bathing suit and taking him to a pool weekly for lessons–I hate swimming.
Before I became a mom, I was an elementary school teacher. During my first year of teaching, I was so uncertain about what I was doing that I was making myself crazy. A friend finally told me, “Sometimes, you’ve gotta fake it to make it”–if I acted like I knew what I was doing, others would treat me with more respect. And, sadly, that became my motto during that first year of teaching.
Eventually, the “faking it” turned into actually knowing what I was doing! But, sometimes appearances are everything!
Stephanie – I think that is a great point and a great quote….it can certainly apply to parenting. Let’s face it, we have NO idea what we’re doing when we start this gig! We go with our guts, we do what feels right…and for the most part we fake it and hope it all turns out OK in the end. We learn a lot along the way, and for the reasons you mention, suddenly we kinda know what we’re doing! Thanks for a great perspective!
I sometimes will say, “mmm this food is so good” even if it’s only mediocre. If it’s really bad, I eat slowly and as soon as the 4yo is done eating and has left the room, I can dump my plate.
I also make him floss nightly. He asked me if I floss. I answered yes, then made a mental reminder to floss that night so I wouldn’t be lying to him. I forgot though
Great blog Julie – lots of food for thought here. I think we continue to fake it for our kids, probably forever. We fake that we like all their friends, we fake that we don’t mind if they go away for a week without us, we fake why some of our relationships break down. As someone who tries to conduct business in a very honest fashion, it seems ironic that I can condone “faking it”. But if it’s ultimately for the good of the kids, it’s okay with me. I believe if you asked my mother, she’d tell you that she still fakes it for her 40 something kids.
Glad I am not alone in the whole fake out where it comes to kids. It makes me feel guilty to try and get my son to eat things I don’t really care for, but I pretend to like them because they are good for him and he needs to try a variety of foods. I fake that baths are the most fun thing in the whole world, to try and get my water phobic kid to enjoy bath time. I guess sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
It seems that you’re not the only Julie to be pondering the idea of “faking it” and how it can be good for your kids!
http://www.julieharrison.ca/family/faking-it/
Oh, you’re not alone – I fake all the time, too! Especially with feeding my boys veggies… while I run into the other room to eat chocolate!
Most nights when I put my son to bed I lay down with him…this comforts him and he falls asleep quickly. I wait until he seems to be soundly asleep before I sneak out. Sometimes he wakes up and asks where I am going. So instead having to lay back down I tell him I have a lot of work to do and I need clean the house. This satisfies him and I am free to go do “work” which is more often watching TV and chilling out with maybe a bit of work.
Ramona! I hadn’t even considered all the ongoing faking that is going to come as they get older! Some great points….liking all their friends, etc. Great comment.
Julie,
You’ve made me re-think the truth of my whole childhood. Thanks a LOT! Lol. I’m sure I’ll do the same when I have my own children. (But no rush.)
Samantha
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I agree about the Olympics. I felt like a monster for really not caring.
I usually fake:
- that I like some of their friends and their friend’s parents
- that I respect some of the teachers that they “love”
- interest in any type of Idol program
I fake being excited when my daughter goes in the potty b/c I still get to wipe her:)
I am excited I guess but I’ll be super excited when she can wipe herself!
Love your list!
This could have been written by me, right down to the Kit Kat detail. Truth is, I got a head start at faking it for the kids by faking it for the mother-in-law! “Oh, this looks wonderful, but I had a big lunch.”, as I gag at her temperature-abused offerings. (But that’s not even faking it, actually, I usually DO fill up before, because I just can’t stomach her cooking. I’m quick to remove all evidence of enroute McD’s from the van.)
mark – those are a riot!!
Shannon – love that your MIL was your warm up for fakin’ it! Let’s get together for a kitkat sometime!
I tell my kids that their blood will go green if they DON’T eat green things i.e. vegetables. The oldest is turning 8 next month and I think that he has stopped believing, but it did work for the past 4 years!!
Oh, and ham for dinner was really hot dogs, and sometimes white fish is really chicken.