Comments on: A Different Kind of Remembrance Day

By: Jennifer Fisher

Jennifer Fisher — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 19:20:40 +0000

how beautifully said, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this precious subject, Julie

By: Terra-Lynn Coggan

Terra-Lynn Coggan — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:57:56 +0000

I extend my appreciation to you for touching upon this subject matter and the significances of a very deep and profound loss which is experienced by families’ world wide. I am the aunt to Riley Joseph, who I was to adopt. Riley was born still September 26th, 2003. He was full term and perfect aside from the fact that he never had the opportunity to take his first breath. As a result of my family’s loss and as part of my healing journey I founded the Bear Care Campaign and the Canadian Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Awareness and Remembrance Campaign. I successfully lobbied the New Brunswick Government to recognize October 15th to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. New Brunswick is the first province in Canada to declare Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. One may think these to be great victories, which they are, but they are minimal compared to the work which is set before me. It is interesting how a loss which is often marginalized in everyday society can touch an individual so deeply as to spur them into advocacy and enables them to touch the world for the greater good of all humanity. Thank you Julie for your bravery is sharing this with the world!!!

By: Julie Cole

Julie Cole — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:27:29 +0000

THANK YOU for sharing that….I do feel like that was an oversight on my part…..it is a loss and no one is in a position to judge someone’s right to grieve….there is no hierarchy of grief. Another oversight that a mama mentioned to me is how it feels when an adoption falls through….a different kind of loss, but the loss of having a child in your life who was supposed to be there…..

By: frelle

frelle — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:49:28 +0000

(it was requested that I comment about this here, and it in no way is intended to minimize the loss that others have suffered.)

Another segment of women, who are filled with shame and regret, also mourn on this remembrance day. Women who silently bear the burden of missing a child whose life they chose to end in abortion. It is a deep shame.

When women speak of their children who have been lost to miscarriage and stillbirth, SIDS, or post-birth illnesses and accidents.. many women who have had abortions understand that loss too. Many continue to carry on as if nothing had happened, because they face shock, fury, rejection, and a host of other possible responses if they dare to acknowledge the fact that they too feel pain.

Please be gentle with anyone that ever shares their regret over their decision, and know that it was an incredibly difficult thing to share with you. It is a different loss, it’s true, but for those who do regret it and feel the loss, it is just as real as anyone else’s loss.

Thank you, Julie, for the invitation to write about this here.

By: Julie Cole

Julie Cole — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:16:43 +0000

Thanks so much for sharing your stories. I think this day is a huge step – imagine living in the days when mothers were supposed to carry on as though nothing had happened….

By: krismom

krismom — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:06:50 +0000

Thank for posting this and sharing your experience. I think there are so many women out there who remain silent about their losses (likely because of society’s negative take on it – the view that loss during pregnancy isn’t a “real” loss).

My two living children are over 6 years apart, but not by choice. I lost 3 babies during pregnancy before finally being able to keep one through medical (extra hormones every 12hrs for 3 months) and non-medical (hypnotherapy, putting my career on hold) means.

When people ask me how many kids I have, I tend to answer “2 living children”. Then if they have the time/inclination to hear about my angels, they can ask and if not, move on to another topic of small talk.

I’m glad that loss awareness is starting to get out there more over time.

~krismom

P.S. I’ve created a few free graphics for pregnancy & infant loss awareness, you can get the codes on this page: http://www.kstardesign.com/blinkies/blinkies_lossawareness.html

By: Carrie

Carrie — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:38:59 +0000

Thanks for posting this Julie. It’s something I hope to never experience. We thought we had, and that was bad enough…my heart goes out to all these mamas.

By: Heather @ Not a DIY Life

Heather @ Not a DIY Life — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:43:32 +0000

I agree. Too many. I get the same shivers at the doctor’s office. We lost our first child to a stillbirth. When asked the question of how many children, I still answer 2 – one in heaven and one with us. I feel that is the best way that I can remember our daughter.

Hugs to you. Thanks for sharing.