Since most parents are not particularly fond of whining, “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” is a common mantra in many households. It is most often heard immediately following annoying requests such as “but I wanted to sit in THAT chair” or “no, not the blue plate, the RED one!”
The adult version of “you get what you get” is when you have a baby. Not a lot of social engineering is involved so you can’t exactly order a baby of a particular gender or personality type. You can’t even count on baby being healthy so parents everywhere have to take what we get.
When my son was diagnosed with autism, I was pretty darn sad. I quickly realized that it was time to look myself in the mirror and scream the mantra. Being upset was not going to help me and it certainly was not going to contribute to my son’s development.
My SIL had to say the mantra to herself a few years ago upon discovering she was pregnant for the third time. She had two little boys already but being pregnant again was not the issue. Indeed, she had decided to quickly squeak in one more baby, preferably a girl, before changing her mind on going for a third child altogether. You can likely predict the ending – instead of that little girl, she got identical twin boys landing her in the glamorous position of being a mama to four boys under four.
Despite our reproductive plans going a bit pear-shaped, both my SIL and I have survived our adventures with laughs and a lot of love. Strangely, we’ve experienced some disapproval from those on the outside. While pregnant with the twins, my SIL had to listen to comments such as “oh, how awful!” when announcing she was having two more boys. People have expressed that I must be crazy to have more kids considering my risk of having another child with autism. I get that raising a kid with autism or having babies two at a time may not be on everyone’s “bucket list” of things to do before dying, but I can think of worse things.
So we grown-ups get what we get, and as you have probably figured out for yourself – getting upset is pretty much pointless. I can’t imagine a world without my boy and I can assure you that my SIL wouldn’t trade in “Thing One” and “Thing Two” for the most adorable girlie pink princess up for offer.
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how dreadful to be told ‘oh how awful’ that you’re having two blessings instead of one!! i confess i respond to twin pregnancies with a ‘wow! so exciting’ followed by a touch of jealousy!!!
whatever happened to the old adage of our great-grandmothers ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ ??
i’ve decided (ever since a PRIEST came up to me and after congratulating me on my second pregnancy, asked if it was planned) that people feel just so compelled to comment on pregnancies that they just gush out the first idle thought that comes into their heads.
Thanks for the reminder that life isn’t about being dealt a winning hand. It’s about how you play the cards you are dealt.
I absolutely get what you were saying about screaming the mantra at yourself in the mirror. When my son was diagnosed with learning disabilities and a motor coordination disorder, I did much the same thing. Feeling sorry for myself (and him) was not going to help either of us.
Great post!
I felt the look of pity when I was pregnant with my second son. I WANTED a second boy, what a shocker!
And yes, I wouldn’t have chosen a child with ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder, but he is who he is and I love him that way!
I “got” him and he “got” me!
ps, I had a friend w/ the twin boy scenario on her 4rth pregnancy, making her a mother of 5 boys! Wowza!
So as I said earlier tonight to something else… what is wrong with people??? I am excellent at sticking my foot in my mouth, but those types of comments… UNBELIEVABLE!