I felt young when I had my first baby. I was in my late-twenties but had always imagined I wouldn’t get started until I was in my thirties. You see, I just had too much to do and didn’t need a baby slowing me down. Turns out, sometimes they don’t slow you down but speed you up. Regardless, as time passed and the number of babies increased, so did the number of candles on my birthday cake. Last week I blew out 38 of the damn things.
Generally I’m not bothered by aging. We all know that 40 is the new 30 and having babies a little later in life is getting more and more common. I went into this pregnancy feeling well and up for the task.
But the issue of maternal age has always been a discussion point. In days gone by, the older mother was frowned upon. My grandmother gave birth for the last time at the ripe old age of 46 and was subjected to some pretty rude comments. While in hospital delivering her last baby, a nurse scolded grandma telling her that she should be “ashamed” of herself. In addition, she had to cop the grief of some of her embarrassed teenage/adult children.
While those social stigmas may no longer apply, maternal age is still relevant. Somewhere between my fourth and fifth pregnancy, I reached the magical age of 35-years-old. Apparently from there on in, it all goes down hill for pregnant women and their fetuses. I began being treated as though I was elderly – amnio offered around every corner and suggestions of a tubal ligation during the c-section to avoid another pregnancy at this late stage in life. It seemed odd to me since I had been pregnant with my fourth child only a few months earlier. Apparently my 35 candles put me into a whole new statistical category intended to scare off the faint-hearted mamas.
It’s one thing not to be bothered by becoming a mother in your late thirties, but another entirely when you have to surround yourself with young mothers. For those who have followed this blog, you may recall that there have been three recent weddings my children have been involved in. Well, my three bride cousins have now either just given birth or are just about to. Did I mention that these bride cousins were born in the 1980s?
So if you happen to be at a park this summer and see three energetic new mamas looking like teenagers with their noticeably absent crows feet, those are my cousins. You’ll easily recognize me with them – I’ll be the old hag with the bags under my eyes.
Yes, those Brides who look more like Jr. Bridesmaids are going to be mamas!
RSS
your post made me laugh Julie! but I assure you, coming from the other end has it’s downfalls….while people may look first at your ‘crowsfeet’ (of which, although i’ve only met you once I don’t recall you having any!) being a mama for the first time at 24, people look first at my left hand ring finger to see if the baby wasn’t the result of me getting into a wee bit of trouble behind the bleachers at a high school football game
Carrie – I never thought of that! I guess we both probably have had to field the “was it an accident?” question many times!
Oh Jules you really crack me up!
But you think you’ve got it bad? I’m 36 nearly 37 and haven’t even started having babies yet!
Move over Gran!
oh yeah, you’ll be getting the ol’ hag treatment!
I look forward to following your journey into motherhood (on your own!) Go get ‘em!
Julie,
When Sondra reached 40, Jordan and I tried to put 40 candles on the cake. We lit the upstairs successfully and attempted to transport the cake into the kitchen. along the way the falmes combined and created a single flame about 2 feet high. All the smoke detectors went off and we soon had a layer of wax on the top of the cake. I thought we wreree going to burn the house down. True story.
Chuck
Congratulation’s to your cousin’s Julie. That certainly is exciting!
I had my first at 34 and was somewhere in the middle of the age range in my “new moms” group. The youngest had just turned 20 and the oldest was 42. Much to the chagrin of the oldest member, the facilitator of the group pointed out that she could be the mother of the youngest and the grandmother of her son….took her a while to get the shoe unwedged.
I think people are always looking for good gossip, and an ‘accidental’ pregnancy is always juicy news. Same with fertility treatment I think….anyone with twins always gets the ‘were they IVF?’
I guess being a young mom or a ‘more seasoned’ mom are both good angles that perhaps it wasn’t a planned pregnancy so maybe they think it’s going to be a good story!
people regularly ask me ‘when did you get married’ like it’s just casual conversation but then you can see the wheels turning as they pause for 15 seconds to do the math as to which came first, the baby or the wedding
40 is the new 30, 40 is the new 30, 40 is the new 30 ….
yeah, and in 10 years I’ll be chanting 50 is the new 40, 50 is the new 40
Haha
Having been married at 19, and giving birth to my first child at 21, I’m kind of at the opposite end of the spectrum! Maybe I get strange looks too, but I just don’t pay attention 
I mean really, who are ‘they’ to tell me when I should start having babies?