I had a speaking engagement this weekend at the Healthy Kids Expo in Toronto. The headline speaker was that Dr. Oz fellow who has a regular gig on Oprah. Needless to say, I was not the headline but Dr. Oz aside, there didn’t seem to be much of a draw at all – the show was disappointingly quiet. Interesting to note, however, that in the conference hall next door was the “Everything About Sex” show. By contrast, it was packed out despite the 25 bucks-a-head cover charge. Clearly when folks have the choice between information about healthy families or healthy sex lives, the latter wins hands down!
Many assume that when we’re talking about healthy kids it’s all about eating well and getting exercise. I think we get all that so my focus was on being happy and balanced mamas. I assured everyone that they were doing great if they were not pouring that first glass of wine before 5:00pm.
Mamas must make decisions that will make them happy because there is serious trickle down effect in families. No one is happy if mama is not happy. I think for mama to be happy she needs a healthy dose of self-awareness that drives her decision-making process. I think there are two situations where this is particularly true.
1) The decision about how many babies to have. Everyone willingly imposes their opinions on this topic – you should have more, less, closer together, further apart. But this is a decision no one should influence, even daddy-o to a certain extent. If daddy-o is pushing for another kid, while his input is welcomed, you need to consider whose life will actually be impacted. Let’s face it, there’s one person whose life is going to change completely, and it isn’t his! Ignore what your friends are doing and what your family is expecting. Take on one baby or take on eight – but only take on what you want to.
2) The decision about whether to stay at home with the kids or head back to the rate race. Many mamas don’t have a choice in the matter, but for those who do there needs to be some time for self-reflection. You may delight in years at home with small children, or you may feel like poking your eyeballs out half way through your first maternity leave. For the mama with the bleeding eyeballs, going back to work may be the best choice for all. There are countless amazing mothers who never stay home with their kids. So you need to shut out those outside voices and do what works for you. You may even have to shush an inner voice that may be nagging you saying “but shouldn’t I want to be home?”
As my wise and childless-by-choice sister often says: in life, we are the authors of our own books. For mamas, however, our books have an impact on some little novels that are still in the early chapters. We all want more than just a happy ending – we want happy words on every single happy page. The trick is figuring out for ourselves what is going to create that happiness so that we can share it with our families. For right now, it’s looking at the clock and seeing that 5:00pm is long gone and pouring myself a glass of wine. Cheers to us!
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Cheers indeed!
“If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” is one of my favourite Dr. Phil quotes!
smart fella! I’ve decided that when I start watching tv, he’s on the list! Dr. Phil and Madmen
Wise words Julie. A friend and mother of four once told me “hey, if you are with kids all day you deserve a glass a wine at the end of your day”.